Make me Better ~Eddie Munson x Reader~

73. The definition of Selfishness

He never trusted me... He never did. The little bit of trust I earned, he decided that it meant nothing compared to me going out with a friend yesterday. His fucking pride was hurt. His fucking manhood was shattered because I went out with another guy.

He was staring at me, waiting for me to say something to him, and my anxiety as well as patience took its toll. My anger was sipping through my ears, and it was also coming out in heavy breaths through my nose. I was turning red from how disappointed and angry I was, and I finally opened my mouth.

"You're so selfish... You're so fucking selfish Munson." I spat at him, venom coming out of my lips, but I wasn't going to hold back. Not this time. I wasn't going to be a push over and I wasn't going to let him walk all over me with sweet words. He took the step back, a frown forming in his brows, and I am sure he didn't expect me to reply like this.

"What...?" He asked as if he had no brain at all.

"You're selfish... All this time, thinking about your feelings. Thinking about how I fucked up your life, how miserable you are, how I made you a fucking victim of the situation!" I finally yelled, tears rolling down my cheeks, red in anger, my heart already on the floor, stepped over by foot. "You never thought about what I fucking felt! How all of this made me feel! You never cared to step into my fucking shoes!"

His skin turned red as his eyes shot wide, and he looked as if what I just said was completely stupid, making my anger worsen.

"Why would I fucking do that!? You're the one that made the stupid bet against me with Carver, why would I put myself in your fucking shoes?!" He yelled back, and I could not believe how selfish he was. How blind I have been all this time to not see it, just because I... Because I—

"And I told you, and showed you, time after time, how everything I fucking felt was real! I don't know how else to show it to you, or prove it to you! I don't know what the fuck you are expecting me to do, but I am out of ideas!" I yelled out, feeling my tears run into my mouth. I can't think straight anymore. I can't handle the pain in my chest and the increasing need to hurl everything out from my stomach. He was just staring at me, speechless so I went on, not being able to filter my words.

"You never thought of how miserable it was for me, how fucking miserable I felt through this break or whatever you want to call it! You never once cared! And I've been waiting, and waiting, praying for you to accept me back into your heart, into your mind! And now, when I actually thought I did, and you even kissed me, slept with me, TOLD ME YOU FUCKING MISSED ME, you fucking dare tell me that you still can't trust me!" I started pacing around, feeling my breathing become erratic as I talked.

"Sweetheart—" And I snapped.

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT!" I yelled through an exasperated groan and stared at him, wide eyed with an angered frown in my brows. I knew I was staring at him like I never did before, and I could see the nervousness picking up in him the longer I kept my eyes on him. "I accepted you... I accepted all of you. Believe me Munson, you have your own fucking problems, and your own goddamn issues, and I accepted ALL OF THEM. Every single fucking one of them." I sobbed out, and I was trying to get my air back, but I was having a really hard time doing so. The pain was just growing, the world just dumping all over me at once.

"I told you I didn't regret what happened yesterday. I know I have my own issues, and I know you accepted them, but, and I repeat, you tormented me for—"

"THREE FUCKING YEARS. I know Munson! I heard the fucking story, over and over and over again, and I am getting SICK of hearing it all the time!" I yelled as I stepped closer to him, and I wanted to punch him. I wanted to punch him so bad. I want him to feel my pain, I want him to hurt like I am. But I know that with a punch I won't make him feel it... there's no way he feels my pain, ever. "I have to be careful with every step I take, every person I meet, every breath I fucking take, because you could lose the little bit of trust you have in me, in a second. In just one second..." My tears were still streaming down my face, and I knew I looked horrible right now... But I just don't care.