Make me Better ~Eddie Munson x Reader~

73. The definition of Selfishness

"It's not like that..." He tried talking to me, and I could hear the crack in his voice, but I noticed he didn't know what to say to me... Because I was right. Everything was one sided. Everything. Numbness started invading my body, slowly, the sobbing stopping bit by bit.

"I don't deserve this... I might have been a fucking bitch to you... But you sure exceeded all of that. All those three years I bullied you, and trust me on this Munson... Those three years cannot fucking compare to what you just did to me." I shook my head as I pointed my index finger at him, sharp angry breaths coming out of my nose, and I walked towards his room, desperate to find my pants. I need to yell; I need to run away.

Why is this happening to me? Why did he do this to me? Why did he play me like this?

I threw my pants on, and looked around for my shirt, cursing when I heard him stomp towards the room. I can't find my fucking shirt; I can't find it.

"Please don't leave..." I heard him talk behind me and I cursed through my sobbing, running my hands over my face. My heart was jumping from happiness yesterday, trying not to burst from it, and now it's somewhere thrown in the kitchen floor. I shook my head, sliding my feet into my sneakers and rushing over to get my bag.

"I'll give your shirt to Wayne. Whenever you find my shirt, sweater, and my bra, return it as well." I walked past him, looking towards the floor, not even caring of taking the fucking teddy bear with me. He can sell it, burn it, throw it over a cliff, I don't care, I just don't want to see it. I felt him rush towards me, getting hold of my arm, and my mind snapped, red being the only color in my eyes.

"Y/N—"

And my right palm was bright red... As well as his left cheek. I breathed heavily as he slowly raised his hand up towards his face, looking at me in disbelief, letting go of my arm.

"Don't touch me... I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this pain you're causing me. I don't deserve this hurt I feel in my chest, this voice that tells me that I'm not good enough... You made me feel like that. You made me feel... so worthless." And that's when I saw the tear roll down his cheek, and I could see the pain in his eyes... But it doesn't compare to mine, because he doesn't even feel half of what I do, and I am realizing this just now. I gulped, feeling dehydrated from all the crying and my throat was sore from all the yelling. I shook my head. "I'm done."

I grabbed onto the handle and yanked the trailer door open, the cold air hitting me instantly as I rushed down the steps, towards my car, reaching into my bag to get my keys. I was shaking as I got into my car, not daring to look towards his door as I started it, and put it in reverse. I wasn't going to come back to his home. I can't. I fucking can't.

I started my drive home, and I yelled loudly as the sobbing didn't stop. I just don't understand. How could I be so innocent? How could I have waited and be so blind, to not realize he wouldn't ever fully trust me again? He didn't care if I waited days, months, years. He only cared about himself. He always fucking did.

I don't even know when I arrived home, but I was in the border of an anxiety attack. I could feel it, even worse than before. My breathing started cutting short as I rushed out of my car, sobbing desperately as I ran into my house.

"NANA!" I yelled loudly, a cry for help. I immediately heard things dropping and Laura and Wayne rushed out of the kitchen. I saw the panic instantly showing in Laura's eyes, and rushed towards me, and I finally came undone, my hands over my face as my nana wrapped her arms around me, tightly. Loud cries could be heard through the house, but I didn't care.

"Shh, shh..." Laura tried soothing me to no avail. I couldn't calm down, not right now. I need to cry out. I need to let my pain out, but I know it wasn't going to leave me at all. I heard the front door opening, realizing Wayne left the house, leaving me alone with my Nana.

"I-I TRIED!" I managed to yell through my sobbing as we both fell onto the floor, Laura holding me against her chest as she rubbed my hair. "I spent an amazing night with him, and I thought- I fucking thought—" I sobbed again, not being able to finish my sentence as Laura tried to make me calm down.

"Niña, don't talk... Don't talk..." She tried saying and I could hear the shakiness in her voice. I never cried this hard before, never in my life felt this kind of pain. I was manipulated, all this time, waiting for something that was never going to happen, and he made me believe it would.

"He is so selfish! So selfish!" I cried out feeling the pit of my stomach urging me to throw up from the amount of nausea I was feeling. "And I love him! I love him Nana! I love him so much!" I yelled out, my tears not stopping, staining my entire face and Laura's shoulder. I could hear my nana take an intake of breath at that, almost a gasp, but still kept her soft movements on me, rocking me back and forth.

How will I be able to move on from this...? He was everything to me. Everything I've ever known about love, relationships, friendship, kindness, was thanks to him. Everything revolved around him. How will I manage to live without him?

I don't deserve this.

Why cannot I be happy for once?

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End of chapter 73

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A/N: Happiness doesn't last long with me does it?

I really really really would like to hear your thoughts about this chapter!

Do you think Y/N is right? I feel so sad because she just now realized her feelings, after so long... Oh well... I 

I absolutely DESPISED writing Eddie this way, but there's so much behind it, and we still have a lot more chapters to go for me to go further into his set of mind.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, or hated it, that's fine! But this is needed because Eddie is the one that needs to do the growth now.

See you in next chapteeeeeeeeeeer