Off the Carousel

It's Scratched

"Settle up?"

"Well, pay. This is a bed-and-breakfast, isn't it?"

"Oh, not necessary," Cassie waved.

"Of course it's necessary. I may be a runaway, but I'm not a broke runaway. The least I can do is pay," she insisted.

"No. Meredith, it's already been paid for."

"What? Did Carolyn–"

"Derek. Weeks ago, he called and made reservations. He paid it all in full over the phone. I just transferred the balance over. In fact, there's still money left over to pay for a few more days, or for Carolyn."

"Oh." Water sheathed her eyes for a moment, and she frowned, suppressing a sob.

"Meredith..." Cassie reached for her hand.

"Dammit," she choked.

Cassie pulled her in for a hug. "It's okay to cry."

But Meredith stiffened. "I need to go," she said.

xxx

"C'mon guys, let's go," Meredith rallied her kids (and herself) half an hour later, while she packed Bailey's clothes and toys.

"We goin' home?" Zola asked, a finger on her lip.

"We're going home," she said. The thought didn't excite her. Yet there was this powerful urge in her to just go. Back. She hated it. She felt she was running away again, but was it running if she was going back home? Right now she felt like the carousel was spinning and spinning and time was going faster and faster, and if she stayed here a moment longer, she might never leave. "Get your backpack," she told her daughter.

Zola obeyed, picking up her princess backpack and putting some toys in it. "But what about Gramma?" she asked.

Carolyn had said little at Meredith's revelation, except a soft 'oh' and, 'well, I suppose it's for the best.' Meredith knew she probably had a lot more to say, but wisely did not share it.

"We'll see her again, I promise. Now come on, get your bag packed."

"Will we see Auntie Amy and Unca Alex?"

"Yes, of course."

She hadn't called or texted them yet. What would she say? Sorry for straight-up abandoning you guys, but I just couldn't stand it anymore? Yeah right. She didn't want to make excuses or apologies. She just intended to show up and get on with her life. Anything she said to them at this point would probably sound weak and flimsy, (which it was), and if they didn't call her behavior selfish, she wasn't ready to handle their pity either, even if she was the grieving widow.

She zipped up Bailey's bag and grabbed his button-up sweater, swinging it over his shoulders to help him into it.

"Momma?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Dadda home?"

"No, sweetie. Daddy won't be home," she said.

"Bailey," Zola chirped, "Daddy's invisible, 'member?"

"Inzible?"

"Yeah, you can't see him."

Bailey considered this carefully with his toddler mind. "Oh," he said sadly.

"But you can talk to him," Zola considered. She pulled something from the bedside table. "Here," she handed him the shepherd figurine from the nightstand, "Hold this. You can use it to talk to him."

"Okay," Bailey grinned.

Meredith cast a thankful look to her daughter. God, she was so grown up. She finished buttoning Bailey's jacket and stood. "Okay, let's go to the car."