Blank Slate | ONC2023

Chapter Fourteen: You Are Not Evil

How long did all of them know that Denizen was a sham? How long was I bumbling around in the dark, thinking I was playing them when they already knew all my secrets? Was that even the case? Or did Citizen keep it to himself and he was the only one to know?

My mind flashes back to the moment where I caught Citizen watching me and David play and the smoldering look in his eyes. Smoldering and...full of pain. He knew who I was, then. That I am sure. Why else would he look as if he was torn in half?

My skin prickles and I shake myself out of my thoughts, narrowing my eyes at Citizen. Why is he here? I have only seen him once in the week after they brought me here, and that was only from a distance as they wheeled me in. He's been avoiding me. All of them have. Even...David. Is he alright? Did—did he survive the...the building?

A spark of ice snaps its fingers at the back of my neck and a wave of calm slams into my senses, rolling my thoughts like grains of sand caught in the surf. Blinking hard, I wait for the calm to recede enough for me to gather my thoughts. It sticks to them like egg whites, scrambling them and making it almost impossible to think straight. Eventually, though, I manage to slosh through.

Clearing my throat, I focus my eyes on Citizen. "Did you come here just to stare at me?"

Citizen's lip twitches and he shakes his head, meeting my gaze. "Do you regret it? Blanking a hero HQ again, I mean."

Screams. Falling. A sharp pain from my shoulder. Then, more screams. Wincing, I turn my face away, swallowing against the bile rising to my mouth. They haven't told me how many people I've hurt or...or...or...killed. They haven't told me anything, really.

Sometimes I am grateful; I don't want to know. What if it's a lot? What if I've hurt too many people again? Other times, I can't stand it. I need to know if I have— killed again. I need to know if everyone survived.

So do I regret it? Of course I do. I am going to die now. People...may have died because of me. Again. I haven't changed. I am still a villain. I am still evil enough to kill people. A shudder makes its way down my spine, spilling bitter words from my mouth. "Yes. Always."

Citizen's gaze bores into me as if it is an X-ray and he can see into my thoughts. "Why?"

I snort, glancing at him. "Because I hate murdering people—why else?"

He narrows his eyes and hesitates, lips pressed together and shadows cloaking his face. "But you are a villain." A question mark hangs in the beat after his words, as if he is unsure if his statement is a question.

A villain. Villains kill people. But I...don't. "I just want to survive, not kill people."

"And your purpose? 'To unmake what is to be remade?'" Citizen's mouth puckers as if the words are sour and he clenches his fingers around the edge of my bed so hard they turn white.

The image of the ENglass slate flashes across my mind, "we are not evil" standing out against the haze of my memory. "I know as much as you do. It's about as vague as it gets."

"You don't know your purpose...and you still chose to be a villain. Why?" He tips his head, scrutinizing me.

"What else was I supposed to do? Come clean and get captured? That's a death warrant and I don't want to die." My throat closes on my breath, sealing it inside as my insides squeeze into a small ball. Saying it out loud makes it all the more real. I don't want to die. I don't want this to be my end. But what choice do I have?

Citizen's head snaps towards me, eyes blazing and voice crackling with fire and authority. "You are not going to die!"

Not going to die? What did he think I was doing here? "I killed your team leader, for Parasite's sake! Blanked two hero HQs!" The words catch in my throat and I choke, the back of my eyeballs burning with the threat of tears. "Why wouldn't you heroes kill me? I'm a threat." I hurt people. I killed people. I—I am a horrible person. I deserve to die.