Can't Be Without You | Jungkook

Part 9

His thumbs trace circles on your cheeks and his face is so, so close to yours, you could feel his warm breath glaze over your mouth as he inches closer and closer, and you just stay there, paralyzed. He pauses and any small movement from either of you could result in both your lips meeting. His eyes won't stop moving from your eyes to your lips and he's right there.

It's his soft whisper of your name that breaks you out of the spell and then you turn your head away. And just like that, the glass shatters.

It quite literally feels like something had been broken - his chance with you, maybe; he hopes it isn't your friendship though. But it's the sudden downpour of rain and the roaring thunder that forces you out of the daze you'd both been in.

You stand up from the couch and head over to the window to see how bad the weather is and the lack of visibility outside tells you what you need to know. You mentally curse yourself as you try to figure out how you'll go home.

Jungkook senses your distress. "Stay the night," he offers. "It's too dangerous out there."

You have half a mind to take up his offer because the tension between both of you right now is so thick, it's almost terrifying. You ask yourself if it's even a good idea to stay over because of what just happened, how it felt like you were so close to crossing that line, but it had been raining hard recently and the last thing you want is to be stuck in an unmoving cab because of zero visibility.

You're about to answer him when your phone rings. You look at the caller and move a little ways away and pick up the phone.

It's pretty obvious to Jungkook who it is.

"Jin picking you up?" Jungkook asks after you put the phone down.

"No, he's out of town. He told me to just stay over," you respond, suddenly nervous.

"Your boyfriend okay with that?" he asks, fishing for confirmation of your relationship with the man.

"He's..." you sigh, not wanting to go through this with him again. Even if you say Jin isn't your boyfriend, which is the truth, Jungkook would just insist. "He told me it's safer here than out there," you finish.

Jungkook nods and you rush to the bathroom to wash up while he stays rooted in his place, his heart clenching at the non-denial of your relationship with Jin. He hates himself even more that he almost crossed a line with you when Jin is in the picture and he doesn't want to be that guy; he doesn't want to put you in that position, either.

He's suddenly aware that there's no other sleeping area in his studio. He had been so close to kissing you and now, he's gonna have to sleep next to you, on his bed. His double bed, to be exact.

Right on cue, you emerge from the bathroom and have the same realization as he just did. He beats you to stating the obvious though. "You're uh..." he motions towards his bed. "You're okay with sleeping there with me?"

"Yeah. Not like we haven't done it before," you say nonchalantly. You play it off as if it doesn't bother you; that's how you think you'll survive tonight.

He lays to the right like he always does and you follow after, climbing under the covers with him. You'd done this so many times before, and his bed back at his parents' house is even smaller than this one, yet you'd never felt this tense lying next to him. He's so close yet feels so far away, even if there's just a few centimeters between you two.

The rain continues its assault yet you hear Jungkook's breathing loud and clear, as if it's the only sound reverberating through the walls. He knocks out pretty quickly, thanks to the painkillers you'd given him. You wish you'd taken one as well; you're in pain, too, after all.

**

You can't sleep. A million things are running through your mind, and you've got other fears too, like unconsciously wrapping your arms around Jungkook, or sleep talking and ending up making unplanned confessions, or getting so close to him and not pulling away this time if he tries to kiss you again.

Because that's what he tried to do, isn't it, you think to yourself. You didn't dream the way he eyed your lips and tried to move closer. You didn't dream his intense gaze on you the whole time and especially when he was so near you, something you'd never seen on him. The question is why.

In all your years of friendship, Jungkook had never indicated he felt anything more. He never overdid calling you his best friend as if to mask anything or hide that you're more to him than that. No lingering gazes, no questionable comments that may have double meanings. Everything he'd done for you meant nothing more than just being your friend and trying to keep you alive.

You, on the other hand, had given him your heart without him knowing he had all of it. It's why you kept coming, why you kept opening the door, why you kept forgiving. What you'd realized in all those years apart is that at any given moment, you would drop everything for him, but the more you realized it was just friendship for him, it became easier, day by day, to forget what you truly felt. Or just accept and live with it.

His ex-girlfriend was there tonight. You don't know what she said that may have triggered him, or perhaps he already had his heart set on revenge the moment he knew who he was fighting but you think Jungkook had just been confused. Maybe he didn't really mean to try to kiss you. Maybe seeing what he'd lost did that to him, maybe it was being reminded of a past he once had, maybe it was seeing what he thinks he can no longer have.

Regardless, you had nothing to do with it. Like all the nights you'd treated him, Jungkook had been hurt; tonight was probably more emotional than it was physical. He seemed in a daze, probably coming down from the surge of adrenaline; maybe he won't remember much of it.

The rain has subsided; all you can hear now are the humming of his air conditioner, his steady breathing, and his soft snores. He looks peaceful - a rare sight - and he's still so fucking beautiful, it hurts. He's knocked out cold, and you're glad he is. That way he won't notice you rise from the bed, unlock his door, and slip away.

**