In the Shadow of Darkness | Sebastian Sallow

Final Exams

"Presumptuous?" I scoffed, looking at him finally. "You hardly need to apologize. If I'd wanted you to stop, I'd have–"

He interrupted, "There you go again, forgiving me when I don't deserve pardon."

"Will you stop it?" I'd finally had enough with his self-loathing. "For months now, all I've heard from you is that you don't deserve my friendship–that you don't deserve my love. I've had enough. If you don't want to be around me, then that's fine. I'll go. We only have one more year at Hogwarts and then you never have to see me again."

He opened his mouth, finally meeting my eyes, but I held up my hand.

"No, Sebastian. You will let me finish." I paused to draw a steadying breath. "Whatever you decide, I won't fight it anymore, but you can't keep leading me down a path and then blocking it. That's not how this works. If you want to be just friends..." I held back a sob as tears threatened to fall. Merlin, why did he always do this to me? "If you want to be friends, then that's all we shall be, but I can't have you getting jealous over every man I court."

"I was not–"

"Sallow, I swear if you don't shut up, I'll silence you," I threatened as I wiped a few tears from under my eyes. "I have tried my very best to stand by you through everything because I have always cared for you and your welfare. Maybe I ignored some things I shouldn't have, but I don't know that I would change any of it." The tears were streaming freely now. I didn't care. I put my hand over my heart reverently. "Whether or not you believe it, I see the good in you. I always have, and yes, you do deserve to be loved and have good things happen to you. I wish you would look at yourself and see it!"

His eyes were locked with mine, unwavering. From the look they held, I may as well have slapped him. He took a breath in and let it out, searching my face as if the answer to everything was somewhere on it. After a few minutes, he furrowed his brows in thought before softly proclaiming, "'Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.'"

I blinked a few times, since this was not exactly the reaction I'd expected. "Pardon?"

"Oscar Wilde," he clarified. Glancing back out at the lake, his eyes settled somewhere on the ground. "You've always seen something in me that others have overlooked or dismissed, and I've never felt worthy. Even before Anne was cursed, I was lost. I had been for a long time. Mum and Dad..." His voice cracked. He swallowed, closing his eyes. "When Solomon moved us to Feldcroft, it wasn't easy. When Anne was cursed, it made everything worse. Your friendship...it was my sanctuary amidst the storm. You gave me solace and understanding when no one else, not even Ominis, truly could. And for no reason other than you're a good person."

My heart squeezed at his pain, breaking all over again. I reached for his hand, and he took it. We both squeezed tightly, and I couldn't help but smile. Even now, we were somehow so in tune with one another.

His eyes finally met mine, glassy with emotion. "In your eyes, I find comfort; in your laughter, joy. Every word of encouragement, every gentle touch, breathes life into my soul. You give me the courage to face my demons even though they scare the hell out of me. You have seen me at my lowest. You've witnessed every flaw, every scar, yet you have never wavered in your belief in me. Even when..." He swallowed again, a tear spilling down his cheek. "Even when I don't believe in myself. Even when you thought I was in Azkaban for life, you wrote me a letter–which I know I wasn't meant to see, but you bookmarked that damned Occlumency book with it, and I did! It proved to me that you have only ever thought of my well-being, even over your own."

I tried my best to suppress a sob at his beautiful speech. Despite his own tears, he reached up with his free hand and wiped my cheek gently. I covered my mouth, unable to find words to answer him.

"You are my calm in the chaos, my guiding light in the darkness. I love you, Eleanor, desperately. And even though I don't deserve you, I will strive to be that man who does, no matter what it takes. And I will start by doing everything in my power to find the man who wanted me to kill you." The determination in his voice suggested he would burn the world to the ground to save me if he had to.

His gaze burned into mine, making my body tremble with emotions I'd been hiding for months. Leaning in, I pressed my lips to his gently, and his strong arms wrapped around me as my own fingers tangled in his curls. My lips parted, the kiss becoming deeper and more intense–more urgent. I moaned as the heat built between us and I surrendered to the moment. He growled as our tongues danced together. Fireworks danced through my body.

When we finally broke apart, Sebastian rested his forehead on mine. Both of us were breathless. I opened my eyes, focusing on him. "I love you so much," was all I could manage.

He smiled, all of his teeth on display as he let out a breath of air somewhere between relief and a laugh, before his mouth claimed mine again. For a moment, nothing else mattered.