THAT FIRST BREAK (Broken Redemption Prequel 1)

Chapter 2

As the words of the song rattle on in my head, I realize that I'm helplessly caught. Completely captured and ensnared by this girl who's so far out of reach, she might as well be part of a different universe. But I can't stop. Right here, right now, I know with absolute certainty that whatever this hold she has on me is inescapable.

Overwhelmed by that stark realization, I break from her gaze and step away from Becca. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pretending that what I'm doing is okay. As much as I care for Becks the reality is I'm using her to keep from doing something stupid with the girl I can't have.

As my gaze moves between the whiskey eyes of the girl I've known my whole life and the girl whom I've spent the last ten months trying to love, I realize all I'm doing is hurting them both. The pain in their eyes is clear as day, but right now it's Embree my heart wants to run to. She's the one I want to comfort. It's never been more apparent that I have no choice but to end this. With both of them.

"What's going on?" Becca's shaky voice tears at my heart as she follows my gaze over to where Embree stands looking heartbroken.

Without another word, I gently take hold of her hand and pull her through the crowd, then out through the foyer until we're finally outside. I'm resigned that I have to do this but won't do it in front of this crowd. Spotting an empty gazebo in the distance, I lengthen my strides. With every step I take, the ache in my gut deepens, but the messed-up part is that it's not for Becca that I hurt. The pain is for the girl I left behind back in that house. The girl I had no choice but to turn my back on. It must be this way. After everything I've done, I owe it to Becca to end things the right way. Just like I owe it to Embree to stay the hell away.

"Becca." Like a coward, I pull her in close so I don't have to look at her when I say it. "I'm sorry. I..." There's so much I need to say, but words escape me. Hurting people is not who I am, and I hate myself for what I'm about to do.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" Becca's voice is like a whisper in the breeze.

Her fresh fruity scent permeates my every breath and I wish to God I could will myself to love her. With her head tucked under my chin, I feel it when a cool breeze flows through her hair, sweeping the soft strands over my skin. Tightening my hold on her one last time, I close my eyes and take a moment just to feel. I'm searching for that energy, that spark, that magic, or whatever it is that exists when I'm around Embree. But it isn't here.

"I'm sorry." I kiss the crown of her head as I run my fingers through her brown, silky hair. "You're amazing Becks." I take a deep breath, taking my time to find the right words. "I can't give you my whole heart the way you deserve, which isn't fair to you." Though she's quiet, I can tell that she's crying. Pulling back, I lift her chin and force her to look at me. "I swear, it's not you. You're perfect in all the ways that count. The problem is me. I'm so, so sorry."

"I know..." she sobs as she wipes away her tears and steps out of my arms. "It's okay. I'm going to go." She turns and goes to leave, but I reach for her arm.

"Wait Becks, please let me walk you home." I need to do this one last thing for her. If anything, to distract me from the shame and anger that pulses inside me like the pain of a rotten tooth.

"No..." she says as she gives me a kind genuine smile through her tears. It makes everything that much worse. "Don't. It's still light out. I promise I'll be okay." Rising on her tiptoes, I close my eyes as she places a soft kiss on my cheek. Though it's brief and meant as a goodbye, I can feel all her love and affection for me in that simple kiss.

I'm a goddamn bastard.

Filled with self-loathing and rage, I tangle my fingers into my hair and watch as she walks away. This is all my fault, and though I know it had to be done, the problem is I never should have pursued the relationship in the first place. I knew what was in my heart, and in avoiding the truth, I did the one thing I swore I would never do. I broke Beck's heart.

Turning around to face the house where I left Embree, I can do nothing but stare, unsure of what to do next. I have to talk to her. I saw that look in her eyes tonight and I need to take control of this situation before it all comes to a head. The problem is that my heart and my head aren't in agreement. My mind wants to go in there and tell her where we stand, that we're friends, and that there's no chance anything good could come out of us being anything more. But my heart, it beats hard in wild abandonment, begging that we rush in there to get our girl.

But I can't do that.

So how in the hell do I walk in there to tell her nothing can happen between us when I'm barely able to contain the urge to declare her mine? In the past, I've used Jen as my buffer, but there's no way I'm having this conversation in front of my sister.

I can't face her right now. Instead, I turn around and walk away. Resigned to my fate and looking forward to drowning in the pain I deserve, I text Ben to ask that he take care of the girls.

I'm going home.

I need time to think.

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