Unkept Promises

Letting it all out

Honestly, as I was nearing the end, it all felt therapeutic, speaking those words and emoting all of those intense emotions of anger, pain, hurt, betrayal in words - it felt like removing a massive stone under which my heart was being brutally crushed since these six months. Mom and dad were attentive too. As I continued narrating all of those things, I could see there expressions swirling between fury, confusion, surprise, pity, disappointment. It seemed as though what I had went through in these six months, my parents were living those situations as I narrated in the present.

"How....I mean, I just cannot understand how Kinjal can stoop to such a level baccha? And Abhiram, I could never even imagine him behaving with you in such a manner?", was mom's first reaction.

Yes mom, even I thought so.

"Avanti, beta, bataya kyun nahi? Why did you keep suffering in silence all this while?", dad stroked my hair gently as tears once again prickled my eyes.

(Bataya kyun nahi - why didn't you tell us?)

"Dad, you two were away for vacation and it didn't just feel right to spoil that period of vacation for you. Right since I was a kid who could understand things, I wanted to send you away for touring different countries of your choice once I would be capable, and I did not want to spoil that for you. You know that.."

"But mera baccha (my child), nothing matters more to us that your well-being and your happiness. It feels so terrible now that you were suffering in silence here, suffering so much and we were out there vacationing.", dad interrupted.

"What does he say now?", mom referred to Abhiram.

"He's guilty mom, extremely guilty for what he's done to me, to us and feels really betrayed by what Kinjal's done to all of us.", I summarized in a single sentence, though, that was not enough - the complexities and the nuances of Abhiram's feelings were far too many to be explained in simple words.

"But how Avanti, how all of a sudden. All was fine.", mom asked perplexed.

"Or were you pretending about it being fine?", she questioned me, confusion evident in her tone and on her face.

"No mom, I could never pretend. All was not just fine, it was beautiful, it seemed like a fairy tale even after all these years of marriage. Abhi and I, we were genuinely happy, so much happy along with our Aaru. We were exactly as you saw us - very much in love.", I flailed my arms as I tried explaining.

"So what happened then baccha? All of a sudden, this mistrust? Had he ever not trusted in you before?", mom and dad were extremely exasperated with the way the situation had worsened until and seemed determined to find the reasons.

"I don't know dad. He was the greenest of the green flags you would see around. Extremely trusting, caring, loving, protective, affectionate, loyal, trustworthy - you name it, he has those qualities, my literal soulmate. The most wonderful father Aaru could ever have. I just do not understand what exactly went wrong. I just don't understand dad.", I shook my head in frustration.

That was the fact. I simply have no clue of what went wrong, of why my Abhi reacted the way he did six months back and then for the period after that.

"I have spent so many nights and days wondering if I went wrong somewhere, or if I had missed some things which were really not the way they had seemed to me. But to no avail, there was nothing in between us that was wrong - no single thing.", tears of pure frustration leaked through my eyes before I could control them.

"Na baccha. You are my sweet and brave child, hai na (isn't it), no more crying.", mom wiped away those tears and pecked my forehead.

"I am going away to have a chat with Abhiram.", she declared sternly. This had always been the case. Mom was literally a tiger mom when it came to protecting me, right since the childhood. I had often seen people around me, my age, elder than me, younger than me, being scared of their parents, scared to share things with them, but fortunately I was amongst those who were blessed with wonderful, wonderful parents.

"She will handle him. You come here Avanti.", dad placed my head over his lap and started stroking my head gently. This had always worked wonders in calming me down. It felt so good to be be in his soothing embrace after an agony - so long, so intense, so painful.

"I am not rushing baccha, but what next? Have you thought about that?", he gently questioned.

"Dad, if you are thinking about divorce, then that's a big no. As crazy and weird and possibly old school as it sounds, we cannot be unfair to Aaru. He deserves the equal love of both of his parents and not growing up in a split custody. And as it is, even you would agree to this, we both do a fantastic job as his parents.", I explained.

"I completely agree with you baccha. You both are truly wonderful parents, and no child deserves an unhappy childhood, but Avanti what about you two?"

"Co-parents dad, nothing more.", I stated firmly.

"That means no talks other than tending to Aaru, no words exchanged otherwise. Kab tak chalega aise baccha? Now Aaru is young, too young to even understand what's the matter between you two, too young to process all of that, but what about when he starts growing up. When he will start having some questions like - why my mom and dad do not interact with each other, why they do not speak, behave like my friends' parents, why they are being so distant? What about that beta? And do not say, you guys will pretend in front of him - because, lets be honest, even pretension can work only up to a certain limit, you cannot fool someone, someone who stays in the same space as you, your child, with your pretenses.", dad explained patiently.

(Kab tak chalega aise baccha? - Till when will this continue?)

He was right. Till when? The fact that we were planning on staying the way we were for Aaru seemed practical now, but what about the longer run? Leave alone that, even now I could see questions in his eyes, when his momma and dadda do not prank each other, do not tease each other, do not smile and laugh with each other the way they used to do.

"Then what do I do dad? I just don't understand.", I said the truth.

"Avanti, beta I have no right interfering in your decisions despite of me being your parent. That's not how it works - interference between a married couple only aggravates the issues at hand, and neither me nor your mom would do it. What I am saying now is baccha, speak out, communicate with each other what the both of you want. Your grief and pain is deep, his, its raw, but you both need to process those bitter emotions and speak with each other. This half-cooked food, this half-assessed emotional thought process won't land you safely anywhere. And you two would continue being miserable, along with you two, Aaru as well."

"So even if it is continuing being in this marriage, find a way with which you could move on or if it is breaking apart find a way in which you could move on that way, but don't stay suspended in these negative emotions, all of this toxicity, that's what I am saying. And I will never ask you to rush with your decisions, take time, speak, scream ,shout, but talk, talk with each other and find a way. Whatever your decision would be my precious baccha, always remember, your mom and I would always stand firm with you."

I sat there digesting all of his words and could only manage a nod at his words. I could not utter anything now, despite of knowing it was all right. I needed time, time to think, to think and to think some more of the consequences, the repercussions, the possibilities.

"Think alone, think with Abhiram, think about Aaru, don't be hasty, but don't revel in this toxic situation of your present for longer beta. I cannot see you, him or rather the three of you withering away."

I nodded yet again.

"I will leave you here baccha, lets see what your mom is up to with Abhiram.", he stood up ruffling my hair and pressed a long peck to my temple.

"And remember Avanti, come what may, your parents are always with you.", he assured me, the most gentle smile on his face and then went away.

First part of this chapter!

More to come in the same time frame!!

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Aren't Avi's parents truly wonderful?

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See you later :)