Desirable (mxm)

five; in circles

The tips of my fingers begin to tingle painfully and I know I can't turn to face him. To see that hurt and sadness in his eyes because even though I don't care, it still brings my wolf pain to know that he's in pain.

It's going to be a never ending cycle.

I have my own issues. Everyone has their own issues and discussing them with him right now isn't what I've signed up for. Even knowing that he's slept with someone else, it changes everything to me–when I waited for him like every mate should.

"Why didn't you think I would be special enough to wait for?"

I barely even recognise my voice as I speak. Milo's complexion becomes paler by the second, his eyes flicking between mine frantically as I finally turn to look at him.

"I said earlier, I was naive and stupid and–"

"And that everything should go back to normal?"

"I want to try," his voice heaves and I can hear the rough emotion inside. "I want to try and put things right. Show to you how serious I am about this, about you. I said I was naive before because I didn't believe in love or believe in the bond but now it's come back around to bite me on the ass because the bond is so incredibly real and I hate myself for upsetting you."

Milo's chest vibrates rapidly, both of us slowing down so that we are no longer walking. I study him for a second before I have to tear my eyes away from his gorgeous face, even when he looks devastated. It's too much for me. Every emotion inside me begins to pile up from anger to frustration to guilt.

Why should I be feeling guilty? He did this to himself.

"Who was that girl?" I blurt.

Milo's brows push downwards and he points back to the house. "You mean, Reign?"

I shrug helplessly.

"Reign is Everett's mate."

"Ah," I rock on my feet and feel a stone crunch underneath my shoe.

Pleased to know at least someone is happy.

"She's great," Milo comments. "Amazing actually."

I purse my lips and shove my hands into my pocket. "That's... nice."

We stand in an uncomfortable silence for what feels like an eternity and I realise that this isn't going to get better with one meeting, if any at all. I don't think I can do it.

"I need to go," I suck in a breath and step away.

"Nate–"

"No," I shake my head and clench my eyes together so tight it aches. "Please. I just need time."

I can hear Milo's breathing from here but I still can't suck up the courage to look at him.

"Time or are you going to tell me that this is done and to never speak to you again?"

My hand rests against my forehead and I drag it down into my eyes, rubbing until I feel the tiniest bit of satisfaction. "I don't know," I admit.

When I open my eyes I swear I see Milo's begin to glass over slowly. "O-Okay."

His hands are trembling in front of him and I force myself to look away and not let my guilt give in. I'm allowed to feel the way I feel, I'm allowed to take things at my own pace to make myself become more comfortable with the situation–with any of it for that matter.

I step away from him and walk a few paces. "Does that mean I can't contact you?"

"I get to make the first move," I say as I slow down, keeping my back towards him. "Respect that at least."