Unkept Promises

The reason - Part II

"You and Kinjal shared a great bond in your childhood until the point she began acting out.", she stared at me for validation.

I nodded in agreement.

"Over all these years, despite the fact that you were wary of and exasperated with her tantrums, from what I have understood by speaking with you is that you longed for your sister. You had a massive affection for her, which because of her whims, you were not able to give in to. You yearned for that bond which you had once shared with Kinjal, and despite the fact that you very vehemently opposed her behaviour, you never disliked her."

"I, uh", I tried to process her words.

"No, do not interrupt me, first listen, and understand."

"Despite of your strained relationship with your sister practically all your life, you were never desensitized to her pain, in fact, your heart still longed for that Kinjal who would jump into her brother's arms at any difficulty, or hurt coming her way, and for you to alleviate her pain. Which is why, when you say that you saw a glimpse of your younger Kinjal whom you had lost over the years, in that drama which she had staged, your heart leapt out to support your sister in every possible way. And the situation too was of such a magnitude."

"And, also, listen very carefully, the fact that she kept speaking with you all those months, she shared communication with you, those essential talks which you had missed over for a couple of years, for a long period of time. Which is why, your mind took over the rational part of your thinking in which you would have critically analyzed the entire situation and would have understood Avantika's innocence. In your heart's quest for restoring that bond with your sister, which you had longed for, for a long period of time, you simply overlooked upon what Avantika wanted to say, or what her stance was."

My jaw dropped at her words - was this how it was. I was so taken over by my need to be there for my sister after all these years, that I failed to recognize what my wife needed. That I failed to understand how my love could never even think of such a thing. In my quest of being there for my sister, fulfilling that 'elder brother's role' which I had missed all those years, I behaved like a pathetic excuse of a husband.

My eyes were wide open, and it did not take time before I felt that familiar lump in my throat, and a prickling sensation in my eyes.

"I must say Abhiram, your sister is a brilliant manipulator. After understanding that none of what she usually does triggers you two against each other, she completely changed her tactics. In her narcissistic pursuits, she very evilly manipulated the entire situation, fed on your weak points, attacked the strongest part of your relationship - that was an emotional attack and she properly vouched for the responses which she knew she would gain. And all of you fell a victim to her cheap tactics.", Dr. Godbole concluded.

"But despite of this all, if Abhiram, you had been a bit logical, I know what the both of you, rather, all of you, what you faced was seemingly unprecedented, much unlike how she had always played with you, mostly upfront, but had you given the rational part of your brain a chance to express, even for a bit, you might have been able to salvage much of the damage."

I could not bring myself to utter even a single syllable. How could I ever believe that Kinjal who had always very intensely portrayed her dislike of Avi and I? How could I let myself be fooled to such an extent? And most important, how did I let myself hurt my Avi so much, and that too at the expense of such a fakery?

"Avantika, dear, you have been the greatest victim of all of those circumstances. And despite of what happened, the fact that you are sitting here, willing to work on things, explain loads about the person you are. Avantika, one thing I would want to state here - your husband, he's not a bad man, in fact, Abhiram is much better than the majority of the men I have encountered, in today's terms, he's a green flag, but that does not lessen the pain he inflicted your way. I might have done my work, helping you deal with your emotions, helping you find the reason behind his unlikely behaviour then, but it solely depends on you two how you want to make things work. I won't ask why, because you have been very clear that you two do wish to rebuild this relationship."

"As a person who now knows you well, not as a counsellor, I would very much want you two to be patient with each other. Abhiram needs time to come to terms with things, with that reality which he created, yet was unable to comprehend its depths, and Avantika, you need time to simply make peace with what had happened, and to find forgiveness. Take your time, and for any help, I am there for you, hmm?", she concluded with a peaceful smile.

My gaze settled onto Avi who was gazing at Dr. Godbole with complete attention. She must have felt my intense gaze settling on her, since she turned my way. The look in her eyes seemed a bit incomprehensible today - it was as though a variety of emotions swirled around in her conflicted eyes - confusion, pain, grief, pity, compassion, love - but it was more of melancholy that surrounded us in that moment.

How easily do we sometimes ruin our own happiness in the pursuit of something which is a mirage in itself. I had been anxious at the prospect of what was to come out of today's conversation, and now that the truth is out, the reason is known, I feel myself getting numb at the overwhelming flow of all the emotions rushing in my mind. Anger and disgust for myself, a hatred I never knew I was capable of, for Kinjal, and extreme regret for what I pushed my Avi into.

(Please note : I do not have a deep understanding of counselling or the manner in which its conducted asides of some things which I have read on the internet. I have tried to make this piece of writing as realistic as I can with some findings on the internet. However, this is a piece of fiction with some elements to make the story more engaging, to make the content interesting. Read it as such - like a piece of fiction)

And the cat is out of the bag!

That's the reason - as to why our Abhi behaved the way he did.

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See you later :)