Dragon in the Castle || DRAMIONE

31st of August 2000

Dear?

It is very late at night, and I am very tired, but I know that I have to log something today per my therapist's request even if it still feels strange to keep a diary, so here I am, writing. But writing like this feels different. I'm not used to talking about my feelings. I keep my emotions inwards, and I write only about things related to my studies. I don't know what to say.

I guess it's worth mentioning that I'm going back to Hogwarts tomorrow after two whole years. I'm quite excited but mostly nervous. I don't know how I'm going to fit back in. I am different now and I believe everything else will be too. I hope the castle has been built back up enough and I won't have to see ruins every step of the way. I'm glad Harry is coming back with me to keep me company at Hogwarts even though I wasn't expecting him to be so keen on coming back – I suppose he still feels like Hogwarts is more his home than anything else. I'm even more glad Ron isn't coming with us. Things have been weird and awkward between us since I decided to break up with him, although it's been six months and he seemed to have moved on, I still can't look him in the eye. I don't feel guilty for breaking up, but it still feels strange. Spending time with the Weasley family is no longer my favorite pastime, which is unfortunate because Mr and Mrs Weasley helped me a lot after the war ended.

I'm glad to have my own place – it's a one-bedroom flat in downtown London, but it's eerie and empty since I didn't feel like decorating it throughout the months I spent here – I knew I would be going back to Hogwarts. I feel lonely a lot of the times and the I get reminded of that every time I enter this flat. I have no parents anymore and I have grown distant from my friends. I'm trying not to be sad, but sadness comes almost every day. Mostly because I don't have anyone to talk to. Harry is busy with his life and the celebrity status he gained after the war, and I spent most of my time studying niche topics to keep my mind off things now that the moving is over. And talking to my therapist once a week who has seemingly given up trying to make me open up to the world more. Since I'm leaving for Hogwarts, she gave me this assignment – to keep a diary and send daily logs to her if I feel like it from time to time. She didn't specify that I have to do it, only if I want to, so I will probably send the logs to her more often than not.

It's almost midnight and I have to wake up early tomorrow. I've packed all of my things already, only Crookshanks left, but he's a good boy and promised to be nice tomorrow.

So, that's it.

PS: I just reread what I had written and realized how ineloquent I am when it comes to my own thoughts. I had half a mind to edit the whole entry but decided against it. It needs to be raw and real, that's what my therapist said. So that's what it's going to be. Even if the raw text makes my skin crawl.

__

Hermione's alarm woke her up with a start from a nightmare that had just began, and the remnants of the horror in her dreams had already begun dissipating when she jumped out of bed to brush her teeth and put on an outfit she had set aside the night before. She called out a cab that drove her with all her things to the Kings Cross station where Harry was already waiting for her. The smile he gave her upon greeting gave out nothing, but his eyes were always the most telling. She gave her friend a tight hug, holding Crookshanks in her other hand carefully, trying to stay away from cat-related catastrophe.

"Did you sleep well?" Harry asked.

Hermione gave him a look. "I could ask you the same thing."

Harry scratched the back of his head anxiously, tousling his black hair. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep at all. I think I was scared, but I don't know what scares me. You know, every year that I went to Hogwarts something life threatening would happen to me. And I'm not even talking about the Battle of Hogwarts. What if it still looks the same, I mean, the castle?"