Cale in Transformers ?

24. Humans are weird too

Megatron, "Just a feeling."

Sam, "Hey, why don't we drop in at the Smithsonian sometime this year? The Allspark is insisting we go there to grab the twins there?"

Optimus, "Twins? You mean there are Cybertronians hiding there?"

Sam nodded, "That's what Sparky is saying. They just did not notice them till they got the boost from the Matrix dust."

Optimus tilted his helm, "Right.. And this is not an attempt to make me go on a date with Bumblebee."

Sam, "Not yet but soon."

Optimus deadpanned, "Soon indeed."

Sam, "Ara Ara ~ Is that sass I hear? I did not know you had it in you, Dadbot."

Optimus, "I need to deal with the way you lot drive Ratchet up the wall."

Sam then sweat dropped, "Is he still not over the food thing? I mean it is just food you know? We have been eating it for generations."

Optimus grouched, "Food that has the potential to kill you. I am sorry but I do not have any desire to watch my adopted Sparkling die all because they ate something that is dangerous to them. You would not allow Raon, Hong and Ohn to take anything that could danger them."

Sam had a thoughtful look, "Actually, I would make them take it in small amounts so it does not hurt them. Increasing your immunity makes it harder to kill you."

Optimus stared then, "Ratchet come in."

Sam, "Really?"

Ratchet, -What is it Optimus? Are you in any pain?-

Optimus, "Yes Sam, really. No, I am fine Ratchet but increase surveillance of the food that comes to base. I just learned something new."

Ratchet spoke slowly, -And what did you learn?-

Sam, "We are fine Dadbot, you are getting worked up over nothing."

Optimus, "I will be the judge of that Samuel James Witwicky."

Ratchet, -What did Sam do?-

Optimus, "My oldest friend and dear advisor, as it turns out, one of the reasons why humans eat dangerous things, is to increase their so called immunity."

Ratchet thundered ╚(•⌂•)╝, -THEY DO WHAT?-

Sam winced, he could hear the roar from the room, "Optimus, come on, calm down."

Optimus stared at him hard, "You just admitted to poisoning yourselves."

Sam, "Look, that food especially the fugu and jellyfish are made by professionals and are luxury food okay?"

Optimus narrowed his optics, "Do not make me summon Bumblebee Samuel, you know I will, youngling."

Sam pouted, "Fine! Fine!"

Ratchet, -I am coming in.-

Optimus, "Of course."

Sam grumbled, "How did we go from talking about Gods to food anyway?"

Ratchet picked him up, "Good thing he did. Honestly, between you humans lack of self preservation and the young Cybertronians I will grow grey circuits."

Sam, "It is not that bad and we need to consider the affordability factor too. It's luxury food so it is costly, we just cannot get it nilly willy."

Ratchet, "Thank Primus for the small mercy then. Exactly what have you been taking Sam? You have a high amount of caffeine in you."

Sam, "Uhhhh.... I have been taking nothing out of the ordinary though."

Ratchet, "You are staying with me till the levels go down. This is not good for your heart Samuel."

Sam pretty much gave up trying to escape from the babying at this point and mentioned Miles ate the same things he did. Who knew once the Cybertronians adopted you they could become so overprotective. He had seen Megatron shoe overprotective tendencies over Raon, Hong and Ohn but he was not expecting to become a recipient of those tendencies. Sam sighed as Ratchet went on another rant about humans not caring about themselves at all and how it was Shockwave of all people that alerted him. They had managed to worry Shockwave who was known to only follow logic and not have any emotions. Sam was allowed to leave the base almost half a month after they had to run away from the Fallen.

Will called Sam on his personal comm device a day later, -Sam, is there a reason why certain sushi has been removed from the base menu? I asked the other humans but they were clueless too. The Cybertronians refused to explain.-

Sam deadpanned, "Ratchet found out about toxic luxury foods."

Will paused, -That's... Isn't this an overreaction though?-

Sam sighed, "Apparently, we humans do not care too much about our own health so he had to do it for us."

Will paused then spoke, -Unbelievable, is that why I had to fight him for the coffee machine yesterday?-

Sam snorted, "Most probably yes. He has not stopped complaining about it and Optimus has not allowed me to take any either. I have been taking tea as a substitute."

Will, -How is he doing?-

Sam, "Great, aside from being a tad bit protective, he is relaxing. Being a Dad and an Uncle suits him."

Will, -Good to know. Anyway I just called to check in. Tell Big Boss I said hello.-

Sam, "Sure."

Prowl who had been listening in turned to Ratchet, "I can see why you worry. They are truly nonchalant."

Ratchet, "What did I tell you?"

Ultra Magnus who had taken over Optimus's duty as temporary liaison looked at them with pity and exasperation, 'Wait till they find out about the death traps in amusement parks. I do not think any of them have been there yet.'

(To be continued....
I got inspired by 'Humans are weird' in Tumblr for this chapter.
Like seriously some of the stuff we do is basically a death sentence but we do it anyway.)