Finding Forever

Chapter 17

"Hey, you got something in the mail," Maisie's voice comes from my bedroom doorway. The early morning sun filters through my windows, illuminating her perky presence. She's fully decked out in activewear, and her face is a little sweaty, which tells me she's already gone for a morning run.

I stretch my arms across my pillows before sitting up on my bed. "From who?"

"Someone from back home. The return address is from Oregon," she says, walking over to my bedside and handing me a sizeable teal-coloured envelope addressed to Miss Ella Jones and Guest. My heart lodges in my throat, and I slowly open the envelope. I glance down at a sparkly invitation to my father's wedding back home in Oregon.

I've been dreading this invitation mostly because I can't stand my father's fiancé, Heidi, and her spoiled rotten daughters. But mainly because I'm scared of his upcoming nuptials' impact on my mother. I'm worried about her in her fragile state of depression and worry this could only derail her further into a dark hole.

"What? What is it?" Maisie asks, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

I toss the invitation into her lap. "It's my dad's wedding invitation."

"Oh." She glances down at it, frowning. "Are you going to go?"

I let out a heavy sigh. "I don't want to, but I have to. It's my dad."

"Are you going to tell your mom?" she asks cautiously.

The thought of telling my mom I'm coming to Oregon to attend my dad's wedding makes my stomach turn. I'm so tired of being stuck in the middle, constantly feeling displaced, like I belong in neither aspect of their life anymore. It's so utterly defeating. 

"Oh God. I think I will be sick," I tell Maisie, flopping my head back onto my pillow.

A heavy silence engulfs my bedroom. Maisie remains seated on the edge of my mattress for a few more beats before speaking.

"I'm worried about you. Ella. Seriously, when was the last time you showered?" she asks.

"I don't know..." I count back the days in my head, trying to remember the last time my body touched water. "...a week ago, I guess."

She looks down at me, concern in her eyes. "I know you are still upset over how things ended with Ryan...and now this thing with your dad isn't helping, and the anxiety of dealing with your mom is weighing on your conscience...But you need to stop mopping around the apartment and clean yourself up. You should come to poker night. Later we are going to that new bar...you know, the one a block from here...Royal Shots, I think it's called-"

"Will Ryan be there?"

She glances at me uncomfortably. "Yes, but – "

"Then no, I'm not coming," I simply say. "I'm not ready to face him."

The last thing I need is to see Ryan, which is crazy because, before Spring Break, he would have been the only person to console me.

"Okay. Well, then, how about you and I go out? Girls night," she suggests.

"I can't," I whisper. "I'm sorry. Not tonight."

Unshed tears prick my eyes, and I blink them back and turn away from Maisie. I know I am being unreasonable.  I also know my current behaviour is giving her an actual reason to worry, but I feel overwhelmed right now. A night out drinking my sorrows away isn't going to fix anything.

The day passes by the same, except this time, I shower. I laze around, eating shitty food and binge-watching reality television shows. My mom calls me around noon to check-in. She sounds much better than she did the last time we spoke, giving me a strong sense of hope that her new medication and therapist appointments are working. One glance at my father's wedding invitation, though, and I know there is no way I could tell her he is marrying her ex-best friend. After we say our goodbyes, I am overwhelmed again with the thought of upsetting her, which makes me even more upset. I end up whipping my dad's wedding invitation across the living room, hearing it fall somewhere on the floor.