Finding Forever

Chapter 21

I rub my face with my hands and sigh. "Please stop making sense. My life is confusing enough right now without you making it worse."

"Come on, just admit you love him; you both fucked up and accept that you should just call him to talk things out. Don't you want to be with him?"

Of course, I want to be with him. I want him like my next breath, but I'm also a realist. Our lives are jetting off in two different directions.

Besides, I can't call Disney and ask them to push back my start date to the original one, three months away. Especially not after I practically begged Ms. Bright to let me start as soon as possible. The last thing I want is for her to question my work ethic or, worse, question her decision to hire me.

Despite what Maisie thinks, life is some ridiculous romance novel. Life goes on, feelings get hurt, and just because two people are meant to be together doesn't mean they always end up together.

I look up at her. "The timing isn't right. It's too late."

"It's never too late, Ella."

"Yes, it is," I retort, shaking my head and beginning to ramble. "Ryan couldn't handle being faithful to Alodie for an entire summer in Australia. How is he supposed to handle three solid years apart from me? I've had zero serious boyfriends. And like you said before, I have no idea how to be in a real relationship. We've had sex more times than we've been on a real date. The probability of us working through this before I leave for Los Angeles is slim to none. It's probably best to keep my distance from Ryan and accept that things will never be the same between us. It's over. We're nothing, just like he said."

Maisie studies me with a frown. "Sometimes I wish you weren't so jaded."

"I am not."

"You are so," she says, rising to her feet. "And I know your parent's dysfunction has everything to do with your cynical outlook on love. But you aren't your parents. You can be with someone who isn't going to hurt and leave you. You deserve love. And you deserve someone like Ryan to share your life with."

I look at her wide-eyed, feeling goosebumps rise along my skin. I'm unsure whether I want to laugh or crawl into a hole forever. I hate how Maisie can see through my cracks. I swallow to find my voice. "You're romanticizing again," I tell her and stand up. "Ryan and I are nothing. And you must accept we aren't your little match-making project anymore."

I don't mean to sound flippant, but I do. She blinks away, looking torn. I stand up and walk into my bedroom, closing the door behind me.

The following two weeks pass by the same. My phone hasn't alerted me once with a call or text from Ryan.

He even left for Sacramento last weekend to visit Rosie without me. How do I know this? Because Maisie told me. She needs to tell me everything Ryan is up to these days, even though I've asked her not to. I also know he refuses to talk to Maisie about what happened between us. Jayce and Kale are now fully aware Ryan and I slept together. Maisie also told me Ryan confirmed he is moving to Sacramento for the summer to work at his dad's law firm. He was awarded some athletic medals for Lacrosse at the University's year-end sports banquet. And last night, he ate an entire pizza box alone in his bedroom instead of going to the club with Kale and Jayce.

On the other hand, I signed my contract with Disney and submitted all my paperwork to Ms. Bright's assistant. They provided me with an early start date, just like I requested. After our graduation ceremony this Saturday, I will leave for Los Angeles by airplane early Sunday morning. I've already secured a place to live, a tiny bachelor apartment a few blocks west of the studio. I even rented a moving van to have a company pack up and haul my belongings. My mom is flying down to Los Angeles to meet me. She is going to help me get settled, and she will visit for an entire week. She's doing well these days, and I'm looking forward to spending quality time with her.