FRICTION

Ch. 15: Affect

I couldn't even tell if I was angry or upset, though I could feel the vexing, telling stinging along the inner corners of my eyes. If only I could dig deep with my short, bitten nails, until the unease had been stripped bare from my very pores; I could tear at flesh until there was nothing but torn muscle cascading from bloody bones... bare and void. Rip it all clean off, ridding of the contaminated flesh.

I could.

Shawn breathed out tiredly, like he was doing me a favor when he finally acknowledged my irritation. "Listen. I know what it looks like—"

"I-I get it," I grumbled while pushing myself up to my feet, unable to recognize the gruffness of my own voice. I moved away from the chair for good measure, trailing backwards with hesitant steps.

"Can I go?" I forced out. There was a silent please, though it seemingly went unheard.

Shawn frowned, rolling his eyes. "Huh? No, I still have—"

I stepped back, roughly gripping onto the doorway. The half-hearted concern in his eyes was even more frustrating. "Jacqueline called; she forgot some files," I lied, just as she'd suggested, the miraculous text having arrived right as I'd stepped off the bus earlier.

Hah. I'd had to use it after all.

It had been a life saver in the form of a small ding notification, shaking me out of the numb, restlessness I'd been sinking into as I mourned having to head back to the office.

And suddenly, I could breathe again.

It was an excuse to cling onto, even if it couldn't possibly work past this singular instance. But that was an issue for another time. I'd beg her to take me with her next time, on my knees if I had to—anything to avoid him.

Shawn furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "She did?"

I nodded my head, perhaps too eagerly. "I need to go—I need to deliver them," I muttered while warily pointing towards the office. I was half out of the room already, but I couldn't force myself to leave.

I had felt better.

But that was until I stepped foot into his office again. I wanted to look away, but our gazes were locked, tense and unblinking... as if we were waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"It was an accident," Shawn explained, casually lifting the card for emphasis. "This was the wrong card. My bad."

I nodded my head, unsure of how to reply to that. Did I believe that? Did it matter at this point, when everything was said and done? It didn't erase his notion of me, harsh as the forenoon summer rays. It didn't change anything.

He scoffed, unprompted; though, my annoyance was likely visible despite my tepid efforts. "What now?"

I shrugged, awkwardly pointing in the direction of Jacqueline's office. "I—I should go. Sorry."

And then I fled, of course.

---

"I want him to burn," I complained while sitting up in bed, receiving an unimpressed glance from Mason. I'd arrived home half an hour prior and I was still trying to wind down, wearily sprawled across the single bed. "Don't look at me like that! I mean it!"

It wasn't working, though.

As for my friend, he was busily typing away on his laptop, working on an assignment against his will. He was being quite productive, all things considered, though he still took occasional breaks to mope about being too busy to head down to the gym today. So, that unavoidably meant no Bennett.