Praying for a sinner || Ticci Toby x Reader

?? | Chapter 4 | ??

I took the clothes from his hand silently and he moved past me, picking up my old clothes "I'll be burning these" he said turning back toward me and the door, I only nodded in response and he again moved past me and shut the door behind him. I placed the now unfolded clothes on the vanity and examined them, nothing special just a brown hood and thin black sweatpants. No underwear or bra. I sighed heavily as I pulled the hood over my head, and that's when I caught myself in the mirror, The gash on my head was bigger than it had felt in the shower, and my eyes were a little red from crying but it didn't hide the purple hue that hung below my eyes and I honestly looked horrible, I pulled my gaze from the mirror and stepped into the sweats. I searched the the drawers of the vanity, spotting a hairbrush I let out a sigh of relief and turned my gaze back to the mirror. I ran the towel through my hair a few times, drying it as much as I could before running the brush through it, scrunching my hair a few times I threw the brush back into the drawer, and thats when I spotted it.... I shaver, but not like a modern one. One of those old-style ones with a big single blade. "Are you done in there yet?" another annoyed question. I quickly fumbled with the razor getting the blade out, while quickly shoving it in my pocket it knicked my forefinger. The quick light prickle of pain hit as I shoved the finger into my mouth. I walked over to the door and flung it open, "It's about fucking time" He groaned and pushed himself off the wall "(tic) Turn around" He demanded holding up the fabric again, throwing a nasty look before I turned "be more fucking careful this time" I spat out, which he only responded with an aggressive tug at the back of my hood. Placing the fabric back over my eyes before tying it forcefully, catching loose strands of my hair. I hissed out as the knot caught my hair and he pulled me backward at the door and continued to shove me down the hallway counting the turns on the way back. Left. Right. Right. He shoved me a final time and I stumbled into the room, barely catching myself before quickly removing the fabric before he had a chance to pull the same shit he did earlier.

I angrily sat down next to the bed with my back up against the wall glaring daggers at him before finally speaking "Why don't you just accidently let me escape? Surely that would be better than having to babysit me as you put it" I barked out. "You're a fucking idiot. You know that right?(tic)" He retorted "You know what? fuuuuck you. You're the fucking idiot, you should have just thrown a warning shot in those woods! We would have fucked off swiftly and never would have gone back" I snarled out. He scoffed, not even bothering to answer me. I few seconds went by before he charged towards me, lightly but sharply slapped my face, and then violently grabbed my neck. His hand crushed my throat, not enough that I couldn't breathe but enough to fucking hurt. I clawed at his hand, he wrapped his other hand around both my wrists and held them tightly. He glared into my eyes as he spoke "You are really (tic) starting to test my patience. Learn to keep your mouth fucking shut before I break your fucking jaw" he spat the last part of the sentence more aggressively. He shoved himself off me causing me to grunt, tears stung at the corner of my eyes as I tried my hardest to hold them back. I am so fucking scared and angry. I just want to go home. He pulled my leg painfully and clasped the shackle against my ankle, shoving my leg back before standing and storming out of the room slamming the door harshly.

(Trigger warning: mentions of self-harm)

All I could manage to do was curl my knees to my chest as tears rolled down my cheeks, the feeling of the blade in my pocket pressing lightly against my stomach. I could slit my wrists. Bleed out before he comes back. Slowly releasing my knees I shakily pull the blade out of my pocket I hold it up and stare at it for a few moments before placing it against my skin. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. I don't want to die but what other choice do I have? I can't stay here. I can't live here. I sat there letting out shaky breaths and crying softly. My thoughts and heart beat so loud I didn't even hear the door open before quick footsteps approached me. Slapping the blade from my hand and kneeling down I caught the gaze of the familiar black eyes and blue mask. "What the hell are you doing?!" He quietly yelled. I couldn't form words. I felt my lip tremble as a few more traitorous tears slipped down. He let out a long frustrated sigh picked the blade up off the floor and slid it into his back pocket before speaking again, "Turn your head so I can put more drops in your ear" his tone was flat but had a hint of something else in it. He pulled the drops out and I turned my head angling my head, I squeezed my eyes shut at the same cringing feeling of the liquid sliding down my ear. He placed the bottle pack into his pocket and stood up, he let out a long sigh and walked slowly towards the door. Stepping out into the hallway he gave me one last glance and shut the door softly, I let out a few quiet shaky sobs and sat hugging my knees for about 20 minutes before deciding I was going to try and sleep, I took one of the pillows off the bed and laid down on the floor, making sure to sleep on the side to make sure the drops stayed in my ear. It felt like such a long time before I finally fell asleep.

2010 words

(For the people who skipped the TW chapter I want to let you know that there is no actual self arm, but mentions of it.)

Your mental health matters <3