My Devoted Demons

Chapter 19 - The Vulnerability Paradox

The only sign of a reaction from him that I noticed was the trembling whimper that escaped him.

So, I continued. "I love you. I am so grateful that I met you -- a person beautiful both inside and out." Every inch of my soul ached for what Roman was feeling right now. "I am not scared or ashamed of you. You fill my heart with so much happiness and joy." As I kept talking, Roman's head rose from my chest, and I laid my palms on his cheeks, turning his head so that I could stare into his blue eyes. "Day after day, your strength amazes me, and I hope that I'll always have you right by my side. Because I -- as well as Caspian and Atlas -- need you." 

I swept my thumbs under his eyes to wipe away his tears and then pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

Caspian gave Roman's shoulder a firm squeeze. "She's right, man. I do love you. And I do need you." Roman's gaze shifted from mine to Caspian's. "That's why you have to tell us what happened. We only want to help." 

It was nice to finally be seeing the bond between my men. I knew that they all had intricate stories and childhoods that eventually led to them meeting each other, but thus far, I had only heard about Roman's.

Roman swallowed and stayed silent for a moment, looking down at the floor beneath us, gathering and formulating his thoughts.

"My father found out about how my mom lent us weapons from the vault in the basement," he explained. "He was mad...and, now, my mom is in critical condition in the ICU at the county hospital."

I crushed his head to my chest, turning his face so that he and Caspian could look at each other. Leo had posted up against the wall, not wanting to intrude on what was happening between the three of us, and not wanting to infringe on Roman's feelings of security and safety in my arms.

"I'm so sorry, my love," I told him. I wasn't entirely sure what else to say. I'd never grappled with the fear of someone I loved being horribly hurt. Yes, my men and I'd had a scare, but I knew it couldn't compare to what was happening with Roman's mom.

"She didn't even do anything wrong," he whimpered. "She just wanted to help us." He pulled away from my chest and looked me in the eyes pleadingly. "It should be me in the ICU. I deserve that." 

He seemed dead-set on that fact, and while I understood his desire to take the pain away from his mom, I couldn't ignore the idea that he thought he deserved her fate.

"Don't say that, Roman," I objected. "Just now, we told you that we love and need you. Believe it." His chin dipped, gaze falling to the floor, and I tilted his head back up so I could continue to peer deep into his blue irises. "What happened to your mom isn't good. At all. But that doesn't mean you should take her place because it's what you think you deserve."

"But--"

"You deserve to love and be loved," I cut in, a ball of emotion climbing up my throat. "You deserve to feel wanted and appreciated." I processed my thoughts, wishing Atlas were here to solidify what we were telling Roman. "We are going to save your mother, and we are going to figure all of this out."

I figured that if I said it out loud, its chances of coming true might increase. 

When I began to nod, Roman mirrored me, and I was glad that we were finally able to get something through to him.

We continued nodding for a few seconds, and after I kissed his forehead lightly, I looked over at Leo and tilted my head at him in a way that signaled a need for help.

"Obviously, we can't rely on Roman's mom to talk to the staff or vice principals anymore, so...what do we do, now?" I asked him.

"We could call Atlas," he offered. "Isn't he on the way to the academy? He can talk to the vice principals for us." Leo strode away from the wall and over to us.