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"Kaia Belle, my pretty little marigold." She caressed our daughter's face, gently pinching her reddish cheeks. We sat in the marigold field right outside of church, listening to the hymns and harmonies that came from the local coir.

My heart was full, solemnly lying in her arms, humming along to the sweet music and the flow of the nearby river. It was mid-august. The summer sun illuminating the day and bringing out every possible golden hue.

"I want to stay like this forever," I whispered. I was my happiest in that moment. My heart on the outside holding me close as our beautiful child slept next to us. I needed this, forever and always.

It was a shame that I wouldn't get the chance to be this happy again for a long while. I never thought I'd feel the loneliness creep into my mind as fast as it had the night she told me what she'd done.

It was an escape, she told me. From her mother, to show her that her child was strong enough to do things on her own without being hovered over constantly. I let her know that I understood, internally hoping she'd never be chosen to take part.

I guess I didn't pray hard enough.

"Please don't go." The whine left my lips without hesitation. I was prepared to cry, to throw a fit, anything just to make her stay with me. Stay with us.

"It isn't up to me, sweet pea. Hasn't been since I put in the application," she reminded me, kissing my head. A pout pulled at my lips as I turned to face her. "That war ain't gon' fight itself."

"That doesn't mean you have to. It was a dumb decision."

"And yet, I'm going through with my dumb decision. Believe in me, mama. That's all I ask." She cupped my face, "promise to believe in me?"

"I don't want you hurt," the tears rose in my eyes, threatening to fall. I forced them down with sniffles that turned into me just covering my face. "And Kaia... you can't leave us. Please don't leave us."

"I'm not leavin' you," she brought my hands down and kissed the tears away. "I'd never leave you, I'm right here," her hand is placed on my chest, over my heart. "I'm always right here. And Kaia will do just fine. She has her momma to lead her if anything. If she grows up and I'm not there, if our baby girl loses her way, you'll be there for her. You hear me? You're gonna protect her."

She used my mother's words against me and I can't stop the laughter that escaped my lips.

Since I was born my mother claimed I was like a brick wall around those I love. Protecting them from any and everything, even if it were something utterly useless to defend them against.

"If anything ever does happen to me, then I'm sure you'll raise our girl the best you can. Our star. Projecting her light as far as the eye can see. Over the hills and valleys till you can't project no more. I know just like you do that you'd give her your all if it meant it'd make her happy. We both know just by watching her grow you're fulfilled just as much as I am," she turned to look at Kaia and I did the same. The little girl fussed and I quickly, but gently lifted her into my arms and held her near. "Be proud of yourself, honey. You're going to do just fine."

Her words speak to me like a melody. Telling me a story and I see our future in phases as I gaze into her eyes. She's with us for every moment I feared she'd missed. Keeping us together.

"My little Kaia Belle, you've got a world of people to carry you, to lift you up, to raise you," she wrapped us in her arms again, "we will always be here for you, marigold. Forever and always."

She placed three kisses around our baby's face then smiled at me, pecking my lips. "I love you, Onika."

"I love you, too, Beyoncé."

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