Split [ONC 2024]

13. Guilty

The nurse heaves a sigh, obviously in disagreement with his request. Fortunately, she leaves us alone, most likely saving herself in the process.

Once Daniel slides the door closed behind her, fear overtakes me again. He's in a lot more danger than the nurse because I actually know him and care about him. My heart thumps loudly. Care isn't exactly the right word. I'm not even sure how I feel about him outside of lust.

He strides towards my bed, a muscle twitching in his jaw, and I can tell he's angry. The lights flicker again and I jump, this time searching the corners of the room desperately.

"No, Eva, it's okay." His voice is smooth as he settles on the bed next to me. "You're okay."

"It's not okay!" I screech, my eyes still desperately searching. "Can't you see them? Feel them?"

"They'll go away."

He's right. The room is already warm again and they didn't even get to rattle and wheeze this time. But they're still there, merely hidden. The dream that I might have been imagining them is over.

I whimper and clutch my hair, pulling at the strands. Daniel reaches out and untangles my fingers from my locks. He's gentle, and it only makes me cry even more.

"You should go," I say between tears.

I can feel him tensing, but his voice is still soft. "Don't you want me here?"

"You saw what happened to my mother! You could be next!"

"Eva..." He sounds tired now, but I can't raise my face and look him in the eyes.

"It's me. Can't you tell it's obviously me? I killed all those people! My mother. And Steve."

Poor Steve. He was the most innocent one in this entire thing. On some horrible level, I can convince myself that my mother and Anika deserved what they got. They were both mean, mean women, making other people miserable, not just me. I know that doesn't justify murder, but I can maybe rationalize my actions. But not with Steve.

So he liked his videogames and could be a little too much into them. He most definitely didn't deserve to die over that.

"It's not you," Daniel says, his voice firm. "You know were you were when all three murders happened. You weren't even home when Steve got killed. Or at your mother's place when she did."

"What if I was and I just can't remember? Think about it! There are no finger prints! I have no finger prints! They were all connected to me. Why would anyone else kill them?"

"Why would you?"

I hug my knees and place my forehead on top of them. He makes a good point. I have absolutely no logical reason to kill any of those people. I never even thought about it. Sure, there was passing anger and the need to unload, but I never consciously planned it.

"You're just overwhelmed. Which is natural given everything you've been through. You need rest."

I don't think I can ever rest again. I'm too afraid I'll kill someone else the moment I fall asleep.

"I'm going to speak to the doctor about taking you home."

"No!" I raise my face. "I don't want to go home. I can't go home." That's where I was every time death happened. 

Daniel hesitates and I'm sure his mind is on the other side of the problem, and namely that I can't be alone in the house where Steve died. That's also true. But I'm more scared about killing again than facing my demons.

"This is such a clusterfuck," he mumbles under his breath.

I couldn't agree more. "You should arrest me."