First at Last (Updated Version)

Chapter Twenty-One

"Yes, you should be very apologetic, indeed," Mother said coldly. "You cannot make the queen wait for you like that. That is incredibly inconsiderate."

Alexia brushed away Mother's words with a wave of her hand. "Think nothing of it," she said kindly.

William and Alice took their seats at the large oak table and began discussing wedding plans once again. I sighed exasperatedly, already wishing I could leave again.

The sun was setting by the time everyone decided to be done with the wedding planning for the day. I had finished my book some time ago and was bored out of my mind.

I went over and curtsied to the queen, murmuring a goodbye.

She smiled pleasantly at me, her blue eyes crinkling at the corners. "It was a pleasure, Lady Erika. I look forward to seeing you again."

I returned her smile, though it felt like a lie.

We were led back out of the palace and to our carriage, which waited out front for us. "I think that went well," Mother said, as we took our seats and the carriage began rolling away from the palace.

I turned to look at Alice who would not meet my eyes. She stared determinedly out the window, though, she did not appear to be focusing on the landscape.

"Alice," Mother said sharply.

Alice jumped and turned to face Mother. "Oh, yes, it went quite well, I think," she replied.

"Why are you so quiet? Are you not feeling well?" Mother asked.

I turned to look out the window, struggling to suppress my eye roll.

"I feel fine, Mother. Just tired," Alice explained.

Mother tilted her head. "Where did you go off to this afternoon? You were gone for quite some time."

"I had a bit of a headache, so I went for a walk in the gardens to take a break. I'm sorry for making you wait, though, that was rude."

"Indeed," Mother said dryly, "It was quite rude."

A silence settled over the carriage and Mother looked between the two of us, eyes narrowed, as though she suspected something. "Well, it was quite a productive day for wedding planning. We got so much done, it was very exciting."

"Oh, yes, quite," Alice replied, though she did not sound very convincing in her reply.

I nearly threw myself out of the carriage when we reached the Lovet estate. I could not stand another minute in that oppressive air, being crushed by the awkward silences.

Howard opened the door into the house and I hurried through and up the stairs to my bedroom, grateful to get away. The smell of dinner wafted up the stairs after me but I decided I would go without if it meant avoiding having to listen to Mother and Alice discuss the wedding more than they already had.

I had only been alone in my room for a few minutes, sitting before the fireplace, trying very hard not to cry, when there was a knock at my door.

I took a shaking breath to calm myself before allowing the person to enter.

To my relief, it was only Agnes, and not Mother, who I had expected. She carried a tray with bread and meat and a glass of wine. "I noticed you did not have dinner with your family. I thought you might be hungry," Agnes said as she stepped into the room. She set the tray on the table by the window.

The gesture was so sweet and thoughtful, it made my heart ache. "Thank you, Agnes. That is very kind of you."

"Think nothing of it, Miss," she said with a smile and a curtsy before taking her leave.

I ate my dinner of cold chicken and bread, though I found I wasn't very hungry. Once I'd finished, Agnes returned and helped me into my night gown, brushed my hair, and braided it. After she'd finished helping me prepare for bed, she bid me goodnight and excused herself, leaving me alone once again.

I climbed into bed, pulling the heavy duvet over me, exhaustion settling into my very bones. I exhaled slowly, expelling the terrible day from my mind. I was nearly asleep, drifting off into my dreams, when, suddenly, my eyes flew open, my heart stumbling in my chest as the realization hit me.

William and I kissed today.

I had been so caught up in every other part of the day, that I had not even thought about that. Had not given it a second thought after I'd left the room.

And now, when I wanted to be asleep, the feeling of his lips against mine returned to me, the warmth of them, the taste of sugar on his tongue. Perhaps sleep would be harder to find than I first expected.