i trusted you and you ...

Lexa***

Was I too harsh? It's been three days since I've heard from Clarke. I didn't plan to lash out like that, but I was just so tired I couldn't control my emotions.

Costia was starting to annoy me a bit, always wanting to spend time together, but I need at least 3 hours a day for myself. I just don't want to start a fight, so I don't tell her that.

The bell interrupted my thoughts. And now an hour of history, great.

"Lexa?" I heard a soft voice behind me. I knew exactly who it belonged to; I'd been waiting for her for three days.

"Clarke," I said quietly, turning around. I noticed she looked tired and like she wanted to say something, but I was so happy to see her that I hugged her tightly.

"I missed you so much!" I buried my face in her neck and breathed in her scent deeply. How I need her. Lexa, not these thoughts.

"I'm sorry," I heard her whisper as she pulled me closer. I couldn't help but smile. "It's okay, I overreacted."

"No, you didn't. You're right, it's always about me, you're always there for me, and just because I don't get along with Costia doesn't mean I shouldn't try to be friends with her."

"I just want you to try." We let go of each other, even though I didn't want to. Our faces were so close together that I felt like I could swim in her eyes. That blue, I loved how I always knew what she was thinking, how her blue changed. But I also noticed how tired she really was.

"You look tired."

"Yeah, I didn't sleep well."

"Why didn't you call me?" I looked at her intently.

"Because I knew you were with Costia." She just looked at me and played with her fingers.

"That doesn't matter; you know I always come when you need me. Do you want to talk about it?" I knew the answer. Still, I asked her repeatedly, hoping to eventually get a real, true answer.

"I dreamed about the accident." I didn't expect her to answer that. Not to push my luck, I didn't ask anything, just held her close.

"It was my fault, you know?"

What does she mean? What should she blame herself for? I noticed she was getting more and more nervous and anxious.

"That he died, Lexa. I killed him. I killed my father."

With that, she ran out of the room. Stop, wait, did she just—what was—I'm totally confused. Did she just say she—killed? Okay, that can't be right, that's not— I don't know. I feel sick.

What did Clarke mean by that? When you say you killed someone, it's with a knife or some kind of weapon. Damn it, if she says she killed someone and says it like that, then she knew what she was doing at the time, otherwise, she would have said she accidentally killed.

Lexa, calm down and don't think so confused. To know exactly what Clarke did, or rather, what she meant, I have to talk to her. I slapped my hand on my forehead. You idiot, you're not running after her. Run, damn it, run after her.

"Baby, will—" whoever that was, I didn't pay attention to the person. I pushed him/her away and ran off. My legs carried me across the school parking lot, through the woods, until I stopped in front of the treehouse.

I knew she was there.

"Clarke, are you there?"

I opened the hatch and stuck my head through. She was sitting huddled in the corner, rocking back and forth. I pushed myself up with my arms and pulled my legs after me.

"Clarke." Slowly I walked over to her. I didn't want to scare her.

"Everything will be okay."

I reached out my arm and gently touched her shoulder. A tremor ran through her body.

"It's me, baby."

Did I really just say that? Lexa, you did well, you silly nut.

Clarke lifted her head and looked at me. Her eyes were red and swollen.

"Come here, baby," Lexa, stop it. I spread my arms out and waited for Clarke to come to me.

"Baby, please," LEXA!!!

But for some reason, Clarke came to me and fell into my arms.

"Cry it out, and if you want and can, please explain to me what you meant. And I won't accept any more shaking of your head." "Okay."

Maybe today will be the day I find out what's bothering Clarke. Maybe today.