A String Of Pearls

The Stillness Before the Dawn

For while Karna's eyes held fiery determination, they also held this strange sort of resigned acceptance, that Bhanumati had known him long enough to feel, didn't suit him.

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Bhanumati's hands shook as she made the preparations for tilaking her family's warriors. Duryodhan remained. And eleven children. That was it. That was all that was left of them. Who knew how many of those eleven would survive the day? She would have been horrified that she was letting such terrible thoughts about her nephews cross her mind but..... At this point...She didn't know if they would have any children left anymore.

Most of them had already suffered the horrific fate of having their wombs rendered bare. She could only pray for the remaining not to have to suffer so as well.... but she did not feel optimistic about it.

Oh why they did still continue to fight?! Damn that Kshatriya honour! Did they not feel as if they were sheep walking to their own slaughter?

What would they gain if they managed to defeat the Pandavas now? She did not want to hold any rage towards Duryodhan now that.... now that he might.....

But it was so difficult! If only he had returned Indraprastha to the Pandavas when Vasudev Krishna had come with the Peace Treaty! Or even agreed to the proposal of the five villages!

If only he had not hosted the accursed Dyut Sabha!

All would have been well. They had been happy!  There had been peace. They had been alive! Her son, her nephews, her brother! And now, and now it was all gone! They were all ruined forever. The victor would be ruling over a Kingdom of Widows. But even now, all she could pray for, was for even that hollow victory to belong to Duryodhan. Even though he was not the man he had been even a few days ago, having lost almost everything!

War was so much worse than Hell. Hell was for sinners but in War, everyone suffered, even the innocents.

And oh! Had the war only started over two weeks ago? Had all their lives been completely ruined in little over two weeks?!

Her thoughts, emotions, they were all scrambled. She could not even understand it herself, everything that she felt.

She took in a deep breath in a failed attempt to steady herself, but  in the end there was nothing else to do but walk outside with her prayer thali.

When the time came to apply tilaks on her family's foreheads, she could barely meet Duryodhan's eyes, but that did not stop her from embracing him nonetheless, far beyond caring about impropriety. She got the feeling that no one else cared anymore, either.

He placed a kiss on her forehead but did not try to reassure her like he had at the beginning of the war. 

She hugged all her remaining nephews that day, hoping that her arms did not tremble as much as her heart.

She saw Bhrata Karna embracing his sons, Duryodhan and Vrushali di and holding them desperately like it was the last time he may get to do so.

And then it was her being pulled against his chest.

"Promise me something." He whispered.

"Anything."

"Keep Vrushali safe, alright? Keep her from doing anything extreme. Promise me."