ATLA: Azlua

Rebellion part Thirteen

But Rangi... he was strong, strategic, and someone who could lead on the battlefield. He was emotionally driven, but he had a fierce loyalty that made him invaluable to the rebellion. If he died, it would galvanize the rebels into a frenzy. It was something Azula would see as a necessary loss.

Her hand shook slightly as she placed the letter back on the table, her chest tight with anxiety. She didn't want to think about this. She didn't want to have to make this choice. But she knew Azula was right. For the rebellion to succeed, it needed more than just small victories. It needed something to unify the rebels and force the Earth Kingdom's hand.

Mai took a deep breath, trying to push down the turmoil rising within her. Her mind raced through the possibilities, weighing each option with cold calculation. She knew what needed to be done.

Mai stepped out of the underground hall and into the cool night air, her movements quiet and deliberate as always. The muffled sounds of the celebration still carried through the stone walls, but she felt a world away from it all. She didn't feel like celebrating—not tonight. Too many thoughts, too many decisions to make.

She reached into her sleeve and pulled out the pipe Shin had given her after the last mission. She wasn't much for smoking, but tonight she needed something—anything—to dull the weight pressing down on her. She fumbled with it for a moment, managing to light it after a few attempts. The smoke drifted lazily into the night air, and she took a drag, letting it fill her lungs before exhaling.

It didn't come naturally to her. She still wasn't good at it. The smoke tasted bitter on her tongue, and she coughed, though less than she had the first few times. She leaned back against the cold stone wall, tilting her head up to look at the stars above, letting her mind drift as the smoke clouded her thoughts.

The tightness in her chest didn't ease, but for a moment, her mind wasn't racing. It was quiet, and she needed that. She let the weight of Azula's letter settle somewhere deep inside, compartmentalizing it like she did with everything else that hurt too much to confront. The idea of killing Hong Li or Rangi was something she knew would never leave her, but for now, she just needed space from it. Just a moment to let go.

The cool air wrapped around her like a blanket, and for a fleeting moment, she almost felt like she could forget everything. But she knew better.

Mai sat on a fallen log just outside the camp, the weight of the evening pressing down on her like the thick, damp air. The distant sounds of celebration were muted by the rustling of the leaves overhead, a whisper of nature in stark contrast to the chaos inside her. She took another drag from the pipe Shin had given her days ago, the smoke swirling in her lungs before she coughed softly, still not fully accustomed to the habit.

Suddenly, the sound of approaching footsteps broke her solitude. She tensed for a moment, hand instinctively going toward her sleeve before she relaxed. It was only Shin. He approached with a calm air, a bottle of wine in each hand. Without a word, he tossed one to her. Mai caught it midair, nodding in silent thanks before uncorking it and taking a long swig.

Shin sat down beside her on the log, his presence quiet and grounding. They sat in silence for a while, both sipping from their bottles, the night creeping on without interruption. It was peaceful in a way, but the tension in Mai's chest refused to ease.

Finally, unable to bear the weight of her thoughts any longer, she broke the silence.

"Can I trust you?" she asked, her voice quiet but filled with something raw.

Shin turned his head to look at her, his expression curious but calm. "Of course," he replied, but before he could say anything more, Mai cut him off.

"No, I mean... can I trust you with my inner thoughts? Can I trust that they won't be reported back to Azula?"

He locked eyes with her, his face thoughtful now, more serious. "You've been a competent commander, Mai. You've treated my men well. Feel free to speak plainly. I won't betray your confidence."

Mai looked down at the bottle in her hand, her grip tightening around it as if it were the only thing keeping her grounded.

"I have to kill either Hong Li or Rangi," she said, her voice trembling. "But I don't want to. I hate this mission Azula gave me. I hate how she manipulates everyone, how she plays these games with all of us. And I hate myself for going along with it." Her breath hitched, and she clenched her jaw, trying to keep control of her emotions, but the dam was breaking. "I killed my allies... just so my secret wouldn't be exposed. I killed my mentor for her. I betrayed the love of my life for her. I hate myself!"

The tears she had kept bottled up for so long finally spilled over, cascading down her cheeks like a flood. She clutched at her chest, gasping for breath as though the weight of her words was suffocating her. She looked at Shin, her eyes red and filled with agony.

"The worst part is... I still want to be by her side," Mai choked out. "Maybe it's because I know she can be better, or... or maybe it's because I don't know who I am without her. I can't figure it out, and I hate myself even more for it."

She stopped, her voice giving out as the sobs wracked her body, her emotions too overwhelming to continue. Shin watched her quietly, the deep lines on his face etched with sympathy. He gently placed a hand on her shoulder, his touch steady and comforting.

"I'm sorry, Mai," Shin said softly, his voice filled with genuine sorrow. "Someone so young shouldn't be bearing such burdens. You and her majesty... you carry more weight than you should. You wear a mask of indifference, but underneath, you have a kind heart. It's truly unfortunate that you've been forced into this."

Mai let out a small, pained laugh between her tears. "A kind heart? I've killed, Shin. I've betrayed people who trusted me."

Shin's expression remained gentle but firm. "Kindness and cruelty aren't as black and white as you'd think, especially in war. But I won't lie to you. All I can advise is that you harden your heart. Your feelings toward her majesty... they're your own, and you don't have to justify them. But you must remember to separate your personal feelings from duty. You have your own wants, your own goals, but the reality is, Mai, that they can only be achieved through her."

Mai looked away, the weight of his words sinking in. Her breathing slowly began to steady as she wiped her tears with the back of her sleeve.

"I don't know if I can keep doing this," she whispered, almost to herself.

Shin squeezed her shoulder gently, then released her, letting his hand fall to his side. "Maybe you don't have to make that decision tonight," he said. "But think on it. You're at a crossroads, Mai. Whatever you choose, make sure it's a choice you can live with."

Mai nodded, though her thoughts remained muddled, the weight of the decision still looming over her like a storm cloud.

Shin stood up slowly, his joints creaking with age, and gave her a final, understanding look. "I'll leave you to your thoughts. Just know... whatever you decide, I trust your judgment."

With that, Shin turned and disappeared into the night, leaving Mai alone once more. She stared out into the dark, her chest heavy, her mind swirling with confusion and guilt. The world around her felt colder, harsher, but somehow, Shin's words provided a small measure of comfort.

She took another drag from the pipe, the smoke filling her lungs as she tried to gather herself. The mission... Azula's orders... her feelings for Hong Li and Rangi... everything was converging. And soon, she would have to make a choice. One that could change everything.