Control

***TW: ATTEMPTED S/C***

Jason

Monday came. It's 6am and my brother is pulling me out of bed to get ready for school.

Next thing I know, I'm in the car and going to school.

I drag my feet in the hallway. Hands on my shoulder straps of my backpack, looking down at the floor. I'm avoiding eye contact from everyone. I don't wanna look at anybody. I don't even wanna be here. People whisper as I walk by.

That's all anyone did today. Whisper, stare... No one approached me to ask if I was okay. People did try to say hi to me.

I'm sitting at my desk in math class as other students come into the room. A brunette with brown eyes takes a second look and gives me a sympathetic smile. My math teacher handed me a paperclipped packet of worksheets and a list of pages of the textbook I'm supposed to read. I stare at it in confusion and I raise my hand.

"Um, Mrs. Snyder? Can I come by after school so I can get a quick lesson?" I ask.

"I'm sorry, Jason. I have a meeting to attend to today." She answers with a smile.

I frown and look down at the list of pages I need to read. I flip open the textbook and scan it over. I have no idea where to even start. What is this shit? I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I rest my hand on my head and continue to fan through the pages. I sigh and close the book and lean back into the chair with my arms crossed, and listen to the lesson when class begins.

The bell rings ending that period and I go to stand up and grab my stuff.

That brunette with brown eyes comes up to me.

"Hey, Jay," she says cautiously.

I turn to look at her.

"Hey, Nikki." I greet back.

"Do you want me to tutor you on what you've missed? I've got a pretty good understanding about it." She says.

"Um, I-I'm gonna try to figure it out on my own. Thank you though," I say.

"Okay. Sure." She smiles.

Nikki walks past me with her arms full of her books. I grab my stuff and head out into the hallway.

I've recognized Nikki from Cody's parties. She'd come with two of her friends and they'd never leave each other's sides. I'd catch Nikki looking over at me. I remember raising my cup to her. Ellie wouldn't show up sometimes to Cody's parties. So, I was able to look at Nikki without Ellie freaking out. I was able to have conversations with her. She'd talk to me about baseball and whatever show that had everyone watching. Talking to her felt easy. The baseball conversations had me shocked though. She'd come to our games with those two of her friends. I'd see her in school and wave at her. She was always smiling, especially when she saw me.

I briefly considered taking Nikki up on her offer.

I'm sitting at my desk in my room with my math books open. What the fuck is this? I have no idea what I'm even doing. I've been trying to figure it out for a while now. I mumble the questions out loud but it still makes no sense. I re-read how to solve the equations over and over again but I don't get it. I sigh and I close the book and take out my phone. I open Facebook and start scrolling on my feed.

I saw a post that Dad's company won another award. His colleagues, my brother and him are posing for a group photo. I keep scrolling and come across a meme Nikki had reposted. Then I remembered her offer. I clicked on her profile and sent her a message.

Jason: Hey Nikki. Is it too late to take you up on that offer? I really need help.

Her reply comes almost instantly.