Shadows that don't disappear

What's left of my soul

Something inside my chest cracked.

Don't resist.

Her words hit me like ice.

How could I not resist? How could I possibly relax when I was expected to share a bed with a man who made my skin crawl? I sat there, frozen, feeling the cold sink into my skin, spreading like poison all over my body.

I told myself that when it came to sex, I'd find a way to stop it. That maybe—just maybe—Tommaso would understand. But deep down, I knew the truth. He wouldn't give a damn about my resistance.
My mother gave my hair a final touch, her fingers moving carefully, like this was just another normal day. But she didn't step away. She stayed behind me, hands still on my head, and for some reason, it made my stomach twist. Her touch felt wrong, like it didn't belong there. I hated her just as much as I hated my father. She hadn't even tried to stop this wedding. Hadn't even pretended to give a shit about what I wanted.

"I hope your husband likes the underwear we picked out."

I stiffened. I didn't fully understand why she said that, and honestly, I didn't want to understand. Some things were better left unknown.
We spent another half-hour in that room. My mother and her friends fussed over my makeup, trying to fix the mess I had made when I cried it all off the second the makeup artist left. At least they had the decency to drop the topic of sex, shifting the conversation to something else.
When they were finally done, I had to stand and smooth out my dress. I didn't look in the mirror. I couldn't. The sight of myself in this moment, on this day, made my skin crawl.

"Bibi!"

Val burst through the door, stopping just inside, her eyes scanning me from head to toe.
Her presence calmed me—just a little. We had been best friends since childhood. The only good memories I had from back then were tied to her. As soon as I saw her, a weak, shaky smile pushed its way onto my lips.

She walked up to me without a word and just pulled me into a hug. I clung to her, gripping her like she was the only thing keeping me from drowning. And maybe she was. I loved her more than my own damn parents.

Val was the only person who made me feel even a little bit safe. A little bit alive in this nightmare. But even her warmth couldn't reach the emptiness inside me.

"How are you?" she asked softly, pulling back to search my face.

She was smart. She knew when not to ask too many questions. I just nodded, unable to force out any words. The lump in my throat was too thick, and my eyes burned again.

"Don't think about it, Bibi," she said firmly. "You'll be okay. You're strong. You can do this."

Her voice was steady, filled with conviction. But I didn't believe her. This wasn't something I could just power through.

Still, I let myself pretend for just a second. It wasn't much. But it was something.

Val was getting married too, but her situation was completely different from mine. At least they loved each other, and even though I hadn't noticed it before, their situation seemed miles better.
I looked at Val, and despite the pain I felt, I smiled. It was weak, no matter how hard I tried. Val understood that words were powerless here. But she was there, and that gave me enough strength to endure this moment, just a little.

"Thanks for coming, Val," I whispered, already feeling the tension in my body loosen a bit.
"You're not alone. You know I'm always here for you, right?"

I nodded, trying to believe in her words again. But deep down, I knew one thing for sure — I was alone in this. Alone in that room, in that dress, with that man I despised with every inch of my heart, and with a choice I had never been given.