When Words Run Out of Time

Samiyah

My breathing turns jagged, shallow. I can't get air in. My hands won't stop shaking. My stomach knots so tightly it hurts. This can't be happening. Not now. Not when we're finally here. I have to do this. I have to. Lex, Austin, Jaiden, Nishat, everyone back home— they're all counting on me. Amani's counting on me. If I fail now...

If I can't figure this out, then I've failed at the one thing I was supposed to be good at. Protecting them. One job. I had one job. And I'm screwing it up.

My vision blurs as tears sting the corners of my eyes. My head is spinning — thoughts crashing into each other so fast I can't hold onto any of them.

This has to work. This needs to work. I can't breathe. Why can't I breathe?

My fingers twitch like they're trying to claw something out of the air. I'm breathing too fast, too loud. It sounds like I'm drowning. My spine won't straighten. My knees want the ground. Everything in me is folding, folding, folding in.

A hand grabs my arm, tugging me back, grounding me in motion. I hear soft grunts — effort, concern — and then stillness. I'm still gasping. Crying. My face is wet, my lungs burning.

Strong hands grip my shoulders, pulling me into something solid. It's a lifeline I didn't think I needed—until now.

"Samiyah."

Her voice cracks. It's soft but strained, and it makes the panic churn harder in my chest. She shouldn't have to do this. She's not supposed to hold me up. I'm the one who's supposed to protect her, to carry us both. But it's the other way around now. She's the one trying to save me. She's not used to this. I shouldn't even be here. I should be the one keeping it together. I should be able to help her, not drag her into my mess.

But I can't. I can't. I want to be better for her. I need to calm down—for her. But the spiral keeps twisting faster. And I'm just... stuck.

"Samiyah. Samiyah, look at me," Her voice shakes, but it's steady too. She's trying, but it's hard. She's struggling too. "You're okay. You're okay. Just breathe. Calm down."

""I-I-I can't— I need— I need to—""

"No. Listen. Just- take a deep breath, ok? It's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine."

"No, I can't—this has to work—I have to help them—"

"Samiyah, please—just listen."

She sounds... tired. Not angry, not frustrated. Just exhausted, like this is all too much for her too. She's not giving up on me, and it breaks me all over again.

"You don't..." Amani hesitates, choosing her words carefully. I'm no longer unable to breathe, but I'm still not calm. I press my hand over my mouth, trying to dam the sobs rising in my throat.

"You don't have to be everything for everyone else," she says finally.

Silence.

What the fuck.

"Samiyah, I need you to be my sister, not my mom."

I sit frozen. Her words sink into me, heavy and unshakable. They shouldn't hit this hard— but they do.

She pulls me close. I don't fight it. My head fits against her shoulder like it belongs there. Her arms wrap around me, pulling me into something safe. Something real. The tears come. I let them. I grab onto the back of her shirt like it's the only thing keeping me grounded. I never realized how much I needed this. Isn't it strange? I can't remember the last time we hugged.

The two of us sit together in comfortable silence. I can only imagine what we'd look like to others, if there were anyone else around. Me, buried in the arms of my little sister instead of the other way around. My face streaked with tears, my glasses fogged up and crooked. Amani holding me, her eyes tired as she looks up at the absence of sky. 

haiiiiiii pookies :3

*blinks cutely and innocently* 

yeah so did you like that chapter that totally didn't take me 3 fucking weeks to write *cough cough* 

is this what you meant when you told me to give them therapy

if not then too bad sucks to suck ig 

if it helps this chapter was the hardest chapter ever, I literally died while writing it 

twas so agonizing and tedious cuz I couldn't figure out how to write angst 

I've had panic attacks and breakdowns numerous times before so I know how it feels I just don't know how to describe that feeling- 

its ok tho cuz I fixed it 

imma ramble a bit, some details you might wanna pick up on cuz they're totally not important or anything 

this is the first ever chapter where Samiyah has said nono word 

imagine that 

it's also the first ever chapter she referred to Amani as her 'little sister' rather than just sister

this chap was also considerably long I think, 1340 words 

crazy 

was it worth a 3 week hiatus? you decide 

I made brownies

do u want some consolation brownies 

here 🍰 

pretend its a brownie 

here's some on crack shit I came up with at 2am:

Samiyah: has a breakdown and panic attack 

Amani: wow this is so sad. Alexa play despasito. 

it's funny

laugh 

or the next chapter will be even worse 

ok I think that's it byeeeeee ily 😘 🫶 

have good day or night or whatever and I hope I traumatized u and that u enjoyed :3

-JJZ