The Ink of Our Souls|ONC2025

An hour later, we sat across from Jane at the wine bar. I hadn't expected it to help, but it did somehow. Maybe it was the way Jane refused to skirt around difficult topics. Maybe it was because she told me how miserable Michael had been all week. Or maybe it was simply that she was, above all else, my friend.

"I've talked to Michael about our parents," she said, swirling her wine with practiced grace. "He really just needs to man up. He can't protect you from them forever."

"Protect me?" The words hit like a stone in my chest. My stomach churned. Was that how Jane saw me, too, as fragile, unworthy, someone her brother had to shield?

"Don't get me wrong. Our parents will love you. Or at least, I think they will. Mom will be thrilled that Michael's dating someone, but... they come with expectations. They're used to getting their way. They can be overwhelming."

I tried to swallow past the tightness in my throat. "So he doesn't think I'll measure up."

Jane looked up sharply. "No, it's not that. He's afraid you'll be scared off or that they'll ruin this for him."

But I couldn't let it go. In the silence that followed, my thoughts slid backward, beyond the velvet chairs and low music, into memories that didn't belong to this life. I remembered the Emperor, Haoyu's father, towering and cold, his words sharpened with disdain. And the Empress Dowager, regal and ruthless, who never once called me by name. I had not belonged then either. I had not been enough.

Some a part of me, buried beneath centuries, despite all I had accomplished, still feared I would never be enough.

Jane reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "I'd introduce you to them myself, but I don't want to take this choice away from Michael. He's doing what he thinks is right, even if I disagree with him."

She gave a rueful smile and leaned back. "But enough about family politics. I'm your friend. Let's talk about your dream."

When I didn't answer, Tina jumped in, her voice brisk and eager. I stayed quiet, lost in thought. Jane's words echoed in my mind, tangled with those older voices from another life. Had I ever stopped fearing I would be turned away?

This might be my pattern: to love with all I had, and still wonder if I would be chosen in the end.

"So," Jane started, laying a hand on my arm to get my attention, "You dreamed about my ancestor before we even met."

I blinked.

"Ancestor?" Tina asked before I could respond.

Jane nodded. "My grandfather always said the scrolls were family heirlooms. His Uncle brought them to the States when he came over in the 1940s as a cultural envoy. After the Cultural Revolution began, he never went back. The scrolls stayed with him and were eventually passed down to my grandfather."

I leaned forward, trying to focus through the fog in my head. "Why did your relative bring them with him in the first place?"

"He worked with museums loaning cultural artifacts for temporary exhibitions- primarily poetry, calligraphy, and some philosophical writings. When things became dangerous for intellectuals and the elite in China, he stayed in the US. The new government did not push to reclaim anything, because they didn't consider any of them politically or financially significant."

I nodded slowly. "But you called the Emperor your ancestor?"

She gave a slight shrug. "My grandfather used to say that they were family scrolls and we were distantly related to a northern dynasty emperor, though I don't know which one. It's not something we ever researched seriously, but he believed it."