The One I'm Not (Twenty One Pilots)

Facing The Dark

"Blurryface?" A sleepy Josh said.

"Josh!" Tyler said excitedly.

"How do you feel Josh?" Jenna asked.

Josh sat up from laying down and examined the room. Debby was to his left, sleeping. Mark was in front of him sleeping and Tyler and Jenna were to the right of him, awaiting his response.

"I... don't know." Josh sighed.

He continued, "But you renamed him Blurryface?"

"Yeah... did you catch all that? I thought you were asleep."

"I woke up to someone screaming... and just rested with my eyes closed for a while."

"Sorry... that was me, apparently."

"Do you know what you were screaming?" Josh asked him.

"No, what did I say?"

"I've been replaying it over and over in my mind. You were saying 'I'm a goner. Somebody catch my breath. I'm a goner. Somebody catch my breath. I want to be known by you. I want to be known by you.' I'm sure that's something you probably have written. It's stuck to me. I understand that, Tyler."

"Josh, I'm glad you understand that or am I? Enough about me though, how are you feeling? Do you need any water, or anything? Should we get the nurse?"

"Tyler, relax. I'm doing okay now."

"Good, okay."

There was silence in the room as they waited for someone to speak.

"I'm sorry." Josh said.

"I'm so sorry to put you through that. To put you all through that. I don't deserve any of you guys."

"Josh, don't say that. We all really care about you." Jenna said.

"You know I know how you feel, Josh. I've been in the same mindset as you. I told you about it, but Josh, you need to know that I'm there for you as much as you're there for me."

Josh nodded his head.

Tyler continued, "Please stay alive. For me."

He pointed to Jenna.

"For Jenna."

He pointed to Debby and Mark.

"For Debby and Mark."

He pointed at Josh.

"But please stay alive for yourself. You will die but now your life is free, take pride in what is sure to die."

"Thank you, Tyler. I don't know what I did to deserve a best friend like you."

"Same to you. Did you like what I said. I created it just now. I have to write that down."

Tyler pulled out his notebook.

You will die but now your life is free, take pride in what is sure to die.

"I did like it. It connects with me. So does what you said in your sleep. 'I'm a goner.' That's exactly how I fel-"

"What's going on?" A drowsy Debby asked.

"Morning." Josh said looking to her.

"Joshua!" She exclaimed wrapping him in a hug.

"Hey."

"Don't ever scare me like that again..." She whispered to him.

"I'll try not to."

"So Josh has woken has he?" A tired Mark asked.

"Yeah. Maybe you should get the nurse or something. I want to get out of here." Josh explained.

"Okay, do you want me to get you anything to eat or something to drink as well?" Mark asked getting up.

"Just some water, and maybe a granola bar."

"Okay, got it." Mark said leaving the room.

Once Mark left, the room was filled with silence again.

No one knew what to say.

"Joshua, can I ask why you did it... you don't have to answer." Debby asked taking Josh's hand in hers.

Josh held tight onto Debby's hand.

"No, it's fine. I think it about time I start talking about my struggles instead of bottling them up."

Josh sighed as he continued, "I don't know... it's just when we came back from Ichthus I just had a major depressive wave come over me. I have these sometimes but this time was worst of all. I barely slept, I barely ate, and I just stayed inside my room and only came out when Mark or Tyler came home. I didn't want them to think anything was wrong. That was the number one thing I didn't want."

Tyler nodded his head.

Josh continued, "That day, what was it yesterday? I just felt so... empty and numb. My mind was telling me that no one needed me. When Tyler and Mark left to go somewhere, I forgot where, my mind was overpowering, and taking over. The voice in the back of my mind told me I could get rid of him. I just had to listen. So I did, I listened and I decided and I got my pills and walked to the forest. When I walked in my mind grew quiet. I found a place to sit down and starting taking the pills. I believed that killing myself was the only way to get the voice to stop. Then you guys came and now we're here. I'm sorry."

"Josh, stop apologizing. I understand. Listen to me." Tyler said.

Josh looked to Tyler.

"You're not a goner, you're not your insecurities and you're so much more than you think you're worth. You're my one and only best friend. I love you like a brother."

"Thank you, Tyler. I love you like a bro, too."

"Joshua, we all love and care about you, okay? We'll be there for you when you mind says we're not." Debby added in.

"You guys are the best. Thank you, really. For everything."

Just then the nurse came in.

"Mr. Dun, I'm glad you've woken! I'll get the doctor in here, he'll check you out and I'm sure you'll be out by the evening!"

"Thank you." Josh said.

this is perfect.

none of the attention is on you.

Tyler shook his head.

you can't shake me away.

we're one.

i'm always here.

Mark walked in with a water and a granola bar.

"You'll never guess what just happened." Mark said.

Everyone diverted their eyes to Mark.

Everyone but Tyler. He hung his head low trying to get Blurryface out of his mind.

Everyone but Josh. He saw Tyler's behavior and looked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

it's out of pity.

he doesn't actually care.

admit it.

what you are.

what we are.

we are one.

"Tyler?" Josh questioned him softly.

Tyler took out his notebook and wrote a simple sentence down.

I've got two faces.

finally.