Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

NINE

Josh turned to face his brother. They used to be so close, playing ball together or annoying the hell out of each other until they engaged in fake-fights just to hear their mother scream at them. But that was before. Before Josh's powers took over. Before their dad cheated on their mother. Even before Abby. That's when everything changed, Josh thought. And he missed that bond with Jordan.

"Nothing, just thinking," Josh replied. "I'm bored," he quickly added, for fear Jordan would ask what he was thinking about. That wasn't a question he was ready to answer just yet.

"Why don't you make your boyfriend come over?" Jordan asked instead, and the smirk on his face surely meant that he knew about that conversation Josh had with his mother a few weeks earlier. The boy furrowed his brows in that "what do you mean?" way, and Jordan continued without question. "Mom told me," he said with a laugh. "Had she talked to me before asking you, I would have told her that, oh boy, you're SO not gay!"

Josh playfully punched him in the arm and the both of them laughed, making the older brother even more nostalgic of past times when this used to be a habit. Then, after a short silence, Jordan sighed, letting go of the remote control. "Nothing on tv," he let out, "so I guess I might as well do my homework, right?"

Josh laughed, again. "You sound like mom! Go play video games until she comes back, you goof!"

With a smile, Jordan got up and took a few steps towards the staircase. Then, his hand on the banister, he stopped to look at his older brother. "You know, Josh," he started, causing Josh to look up to him, "mom's constantly worried about you."

Josh's heart dropped. The smile on Jordan's face had now disappeared, and the boy looked deeply sad. "I'm telling you because you don't seem to notice," he continued. "And I don't know what's wrong, and you probably won't tell me because I'm just a kid and I won't be able to help you much anyway but... Mom thinks you're depressed or suicidal or something and maybe you should talk to her because uhm..." His voice was shaking a little now, and Josh wished he was able to just get up and hug his little brother. But he was drowning under the flow of sadness that was rushing from Jordan to him, and the strength of the feelings was holding him back, like he was tied to the couch with invisible wires. 

"Because losing another kid would kill her, Josh." Jordan blinked a few times like he had something in his eye, and once again Josh was buried under the amount of sadness emanating from his tiny body. 

The boy also felt a lot of pride, though. His little brother, as young as he was, was the most empathetic and selfless person he had ever known. If it weren't for his newfound abilities, Josh would have never had such high levels of empathy, and he was proud of Jordan for developing this on his own. But he also felt guilty. For the past year, the only person Josh had thought about was himself, and here was Jordan, a 14 year-old boy, thinking about the well-being of his mother and brother before his own. Josh was so blinded by his own problems that he didn't realize his little brother was left to cope on his own. That was unacceptable. 

"I will, thanks," Josh said, unable to think of anything else to say that would make Jordan understand how sorry he was. And he meant it. He had things to say to his mother anyway. A good talk wouldn't hurt, would it?

"Hey, Jordan?" The boy was proceeding to run upstairs when Josh stopped him once last time. "Why are you so sure I'm not gay?"

Jordan grinned. "I've seen your internet history, bro!" he said with a smile, then ducked to avoid the cushion Josh had just thrown at him with an embarrassed laugh. 

That night after dinner, Josh offered to wash the dishes although it was Jordan's turn, and after a painfully silent time helping out his mother, the boy finally found the guts to tell her they had to talk. With a smile, she made him sit at the table while she prepared some tea. Josh wouldn't be surprised if she had guessed that his son needed to speak with her as soon as he offered to do chores, because that's what moms do, but he thought she'd be at least a little anxious about the topic they would be discussing. Instead, Josh only felt some kind of excitement emerging from his mother's mind.