Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

NINE

"All right, honey, I'm all ears", she finally said, sitting down in front of him with two mugs of hot mint tea. 

Josh had everything prepared. He had spent all afternoon thinking about how that discussion would go instead of doing his homework. He would first bring up the fact that his dad was back in town with his girlfriend, and that this shouldn't threaten the well-being of the family; he would tell her that she was the best mom ever and that she shouldn't let herself go down again because of a person who didn't deserve her love. Then, he would go on about himself, and reassure his mom about the fact that he was just going through a rough patch and was certainly not thinking of ending his life. He had a whole empowering speech written up in his head, and he was ready.

Except that he wasn't prepared to feel what his mom felt. So much love was going on around that Josh was unsettled, and all he could blurt out was "Dad's back with his biatch but I don't wanna kill myself." His mom, confused, laughed a little bit at first before furrowing her eyebrows.

"What?"

Josh got up, facepalming himself. "No, I mean..." he sighed. "I mean, yes, Dad is back in town. Him and his girlfriend apparently decided they wanted to live here, like they weren't annoying enough as it is. And I'm sorry, mom, that's not how I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you to learn that by yourself and I guess I thought it would be better if you heard it from me but I never know how to use words and I'm..."

"Josh..."

"...so sorry but that doesn't mean anything because you're better than him and you're better than her definitely and you don't have to worry about any of that. It doesn't matter because they don't deserve your love and attention anyway and..."

"JOSHUA!"

Josh snapped back into reality and looked down at his mother, casually sipping tea from her mug. Calmly, she set it down on the table. She was smiling. A wave of tranquility rushed into Josh and he sat down again, unable to find words to continue. Instead, he looked at his mom until she spoke.

"I knew it already, Josh." Her tone was calm, serene. She didn't seem bothered by the revelation at all, and if it weren't for the small bit of anger Josh felt, he would have thought she was completely over this. His mom was the best at hiding her true feelings (well except for Tyler but that was another topic completely).

"You did?"

Laura nodded. "You dad called me a few weeks ago, actually. He told me they'd found that place downtown and they were really interested and he asked if that wouldn't bother us."

Josh was taken aback. He didn't think his parents still had contacts, and surely he wasn't aware that these contacts were so respectful. But he didn't want to believe it. This was all pretend. His dad wanted to look like the good one, and he even managed to get the ex-wife he had cowardly cheated on into his evil web. 

"And what did you tell him?" Josh asked, suddenly very anxious but pissed off at the same time. It was like he knew what would follow.

"I told him that he needed to do what he thought was best," Josh's mom casually answered, although her grip on the mug was so tight her knuckles where white. 

"You what?" Josh asked, the tension in his voice clearly audible by now. But his mom was staying incredibly calm. 

"And he wants to see you, Josh. You and Jordan. You should talk to him someday. He's still your father and..."

"Mom, no. Don't go there. Please. Not now." Josh interrupted her, holding his suddenly heavy head with his hands, elbows on the table. He desperately wanted to change the subject, because his dad was still a very sensitive matter and he did not prepare for that kind of discussion. He heard his mom sigh, but he knew she was convinced. Her son needed to digest everything before he could ever think of seeing his father again.