Made In The A.M. - Song Series

End Of The Day

"Of course I came. Louis invited me, so I couldn't very well say no."

Anyone who didn't know her as well as I did would have thought she was being perfectly polite, cheery even. But I saw through it. Her smile was as fake as her tone. I couldn't believe she ever thought she didn't fit into my world, when she was so good at being fake.

"Well, uh, yeah, I guess. Anyway, it's good to have you here. So have you heard the new album yet?"

"Course she did. I send it to her. I wanted her feedback.", Louis jumped in.

"So, what did you think?", Niall asked eagerly, having left my side.

She grinned, genuine this time. "I love it. It's very...you guys. There are parts of you in the different song. I'm guessing that's why you self-titled it?"

They kept talking and I kept staring, until someone clapped me on the shoulder.

It was Simon. "Your girl did quite a good job. She is the brain behind all the promotional stuff. You can thank her for the great pre-order sales and that before she even heard the album. You can be really proud of her."

He offered me a smile, before disappearing back into the crowd. Suddenly the room felt incredibly small. Quickly I walked over to a door marked "Stairs" and, without really thinking about it, made my way up to the roof.

As I burst outside I gasped for air, kneeling down on the pebbled ground.

Y/N was here, but with Louis. They had been communicating, for a while it seemed. How could he? How could she?

Yes, they had hooked up...once. She hadn't told me, but Lou had, because he wanted to be honest with me. Now I wondered if it had all been strategy to undermine me.

No, Louis wasn't that cruel. He just saw a girl he liked and a girl that was free for his taking. Because that she was. She wasn't mine...not anymore at least. They hadn't done anything wrong, but the thought of them together, him touching her in ways I couldn't... I felt sick.

I barely heard the door opening behind me. I felt the warm hand on my shoulder though and the familiar spark that ran through me at the touch.

"Harry?", she asked, fear lacing her voice.

I raised my head to look at her. She bit her lip.

"Are you okay?"

I gave a harsh laugh. "You of all people shouldn't ask me that question."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, Harry. I don't know what to say."

"How about you explain? Why? For heaven's sake, why Louis?"

She frowned. "There's nothing going on with Louis. He's been there for me for the past two months, that's all. I needed someone to confide in and I couldn't exactly call you, now could I?"

I gaped at her, before dragging myself off the floor, so I could stand before her.

"Of course you could have."

"No, I couldn't, Harry, and that's okay, but please don't blame me now for...moving on."

I gulped. "That's not...I didn't mean..." I had run out of words, my brain was empty.

Wind blew her hair back and caught in her dress, pressing it against her body. She looked stunning and all I wanted was to hold her.

"I am so in love with you.", I said, my voice barely a whisper.

She just looked at me. Maybe she hadn't heard me... because of the wind. I opened my mouth, to repeat the words, though I wasn't sure they'd come again. There was too much pain behind them.

So we just looked at each other. It was just us up here. Just me, her and the moon. Once again. But it felt so much different this time. How was it the same moon? Because it was definitely not the same me. I had been happier that last time. Filled with happiness actually. Now I was just an empty shell.

She shook her head, then turned around and left.

"Everything ok?", Louis asked as I walked back into the room.

I stared at him, but all I could see were Harry's broken eyes. I shook my head. Nothing was okay, not really.

Louis sighed. "I shouldn't have brought you. I hoped it would help, but it just made everything worse."

I bit my lip. "You couldn't have known. I didn't know. I don't think even Harry knew until he saw me. Everything's just too messed up right now."

Louis nodded. "You wanna talk about it?"

I frowned. "Not really. The thing is, at the end of the day, I love him. I probably always will. And I'll always be drawn back to him, because that's where my heart belongs, no matter how often it'll break. He's the one that I want."

I shrugged sadly.

"What does that mean for you, for us?", Louis questioned, taking my hands in his.

I gave him a lopsided smile. "It means I need to leave. It's over."

Louis scratched his neck. "Yeah, I get that. It wasn't really a fun party for you, now was it?"

"That's not what I meant. Yes, tonight is over, but I mean, it's over... forever. I can't be around you guys anymore. It hurts too much and it doesn't help me move on. I'm going back to London and will find a new job. It's time to say goodbye, Lou." I hugged him, tightly. "I love you."

I knew Niall and Liam deserved my goodbyes as well, but I just couldn't do it. Tears were burning in my eyes and I just needed to get out of here.

I made it all the way down to the lobby until I broke down. I couldn't breath and there was a pain in my chest, like my heart was about to explode. I knew there were people swarming around me, asking me concerned questions. Someone was calling an ambulance. But I couldn't tell them I wasn't sick, I wasn't having a heart attack. No, I had just been hit by lighting, the metaphorical one that is. It let me realize what I had known deep down all along: Harry was the one that I wanted at the end of the day. I loved him and that was a frightening thought, so frightening it gave me a panic attack. But worst of all, I couldn't do anything about it. As much as I loved Harry, there was no room in his life for me. Maybe someday everything would be alright, but for now...I had to leave... for real... completely.

I looked out over the sparkling lights of the city. I could hear sirens somewhere far below, but they didn't mean anything.

As I stood there I dreamed of a life where Y/N and I could have made it. I imagined how it would have been if I had never gone to the audition that day. If we had opened the bakery together, like we'd always dreamed. I wouldn't have as much money as I did right now, but I still would have tried to give her anything she wanted, which I knew wasn't much. She'd be fine with it just being us and at the end of the day that was all I wanted as well.

I stood up there dreaming of a life that would be better in so many ways, but also worse in others.

I knew I'd be miserable not making music and performing and I knew she knew that as well. That was why she hadn't made me choose between this life and her. Why she had made the decision herself. I guess she thought I could always find another girl to fall in love with, but I couldn't just find a new passion. I hated when she was so right, but also so wrong at the same time.

There was no one else for me.