Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

TWENTY SEVEN

"Tyler?" Josh's voice rang to his ear. "Tyler, can I come in?"

Tyler sat up, taking in a deep breath. The lump in his throat was still painful, and he felt like he could break down at any point. But it was Josh behind this door, and he hoped that no matter what happened, his best friend would be able to cheer him up, even just for the night.

"Tyler, I'm coming in okay?" And with those words, the door slowly opened. "Ty?" Josh automatically laid eyes on the empty bed and frowned - "His mom told me he was there..." Tyler heard him think, and just that was enough to bring a smile to his lips. Then, finally, as if feeling his presence somewhere, Josh slowly turned his head to the right and looked down at Tyler's body, sitting calmly against the desk. "What are you doing down there, bro?"

"Oh, uh..." Tyler hesitated. He looked down, almost ashamed and feeling ridiculous, and his eyes spotted the cross still locked in his hands. He brought it up. "I just... I dropped this."

Josh looked at him silently for a second, confused and probably not believing his words, then shrugged and took a few steps in his direction before sitting down at his sides. Tyler tried to get into his mind, like they usually did when they were both visiting each other, but it seemed like Josh had gotten better at closing himself off, which made Tyler proud, but also a little bit sad.

"What brings you here?" Tyler finally gave in, unable to get answers by himself. "You seemed pretty excited!"

"Yeah, something weird happened! But are you okay?" Josh asked, concerned. He could see the look on Tyler's face, his eyes a bit swollen and his cheeks still a little red. The boy had cried, and it couldn't have been more obvious. Unfortunately, Tyler was just too good with his skills, and blocking himself off had been second nature for years. Josh wasn't strong enough to peek through the wall he had built around himself, and the only way he could was for Tyler to let him, which he didn't seem to want to do right now, as he flashed a forced smile.

"Yeah I'm okay, don't worry. Just tell me what happened!"

Josh hesitated. He knew Tyler had gone through a lot, and that their adventure in Cincinnati had left a deep scar in his heart. He surely did not want to add to the weight on Tyler's shoulder. But at the same time, Josh knew that Tyler would probably feel even more worthless if his own best friend stopped sharing with him. So, promising to himself that he would get to the bottom of things later with him, Josh inhaled deeply before telling his story.

"You know how my parents started talking more since..." Josh stopped hesitantly, and Tyler nodded. 

"Since Cincinnati. Since a bullet almost pierced through your skull. Since I nearly killed Mark to protect you," Tyler thought, still making sure Josh wouldn't be able to get that.

"Well," Josh cleared his throat, "Mom actually invited him and Kate for dinner today." Tyler raised his eyebrows in surprise, and Josh's answer immediately bounced back. "I know, right? It was just SO awkward," Josh let out a small laugh. "Anyway, everything went perfectly fine, and mom and Kate actually bonded over some TV show they're both watching or something. I truly felt like in another dimension. Then Dad went to Jordan's room because he wanted to show him what he's been working on for his science project or whatever - Jordan's just so happy Dad's back - and Mom was in the kitchen as usual, so it was just me and Kate and we had a conversation."

"About what?" Tyler chimed in, feeling like he had to voice his thoughts at some point, although he fairly knew the answer to his question already.

"About my dad. She told me he went through a tough time before we started talking again. She told me he'd cry himself to sleep at night, feeling like he didn't deserve to be there after all the hurt he had caused me and Jordan and Mom and especially after Abby-" Josh's voice broke a little, and he closed his eyes, tipping his head over for a second, just enough for him to take a big gulp of air. "He wanted to die. Kate said she knew it wasn't easy for me to forgive him, but the fact that I was trying now meant a lot. Then she said she really loved him, and that she was sorry if I felt like she had stolen my dad from me because that wasn't her intention at all..."

Josh's voice died, letting a heavy silence linger in the room. Tyler waited patiently as Josh had closed his eyes yet again. The boy could almost feel the tears behind his best friend's eyelids, so he reached out to set his hand on his shoulder, pressing it lightly. "What did you say?" he finally asked.

Josh shrugged. "I said what was in my heart," he admitted. "I told her that I did think that at some point, and worse. But I also told her that I was thankful for her, you know, being there for my dad and... keeping him alive."

Tyler nodded. His heart filled with warmth and pride at Josh's words. Tyler knew his best friend would have been incapable of thinking something even remotely good of Kate just a few weeks ago, as his own thoughts and heart were filled with anger and sadness. But Josh had let the goodness win. He had decided to be the best person he could be, and that was an amazing start. Tyler couldn't help but wonder though...

"And that's when the weird thing happened," Josh answered his thoughts. "As soon as I told her that, I felt..." Josh paused, uncertain of his words. "Lighter?"

Tyler's head perked up. "What do you mean?"

"I mean-" Josh started vehemently, sitting up straighter. "It was like- Like there was a bubble inside of me, wrapping up my heart tightly, and when I said those words, when I told her that I was sorry and that I was thankful for her, the bubble popped, releasing some of the pressure on my heart, you know?"

Tyler frowned, and Josh would have given anything to find out the meaning of his thoughts. "Did you feel something else? I mean, feel feel?"

Josh chuckled at the expression, then nodded, almost sadly. "Yeah, that's the thing. See, Kate and I kept talking for a while and I felt really weird, like something had changed and I couldn't really put the finger on it... Then I realized my mind was strangely quiet..."

Tyler raised an eyebrow. "Quiet?"

"Silent." Josh hesitated, taking a deep breath. "I couldn't feel a thing. There were four other people in my house, and  I couldn't feel a single thing."

The boys looked at each other in silence, and the moment was almost painful. Something strange was hanging in the air, some kind of heavy feeling that they both didn't want to acknowledge. 

"How is it now?" Tyler asked, almost fearful.

Josh shrugged. "It's back. I do feel- although not you obviously..."

Tyler let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, but his chest still felt heavy. "But you do think that there's something there. A hint. Something that could help you lose the ability for good?"

Josh looked down at his hands almost guiltily before nodding. "I think so..." he whispered.

"You made amends with Kate," Tyler kept thinking aloud, as if it would make him forget the strong intuition that was slowly invading his mind. "And when you did so, you lost the ability for what, five minutes?" Josh nodded silently in answer. "There's many people you've had issues with-" Tyler continued, "and you think that if you make amends with all of them, it will disappear?"

"Do you think it makes sense?" Josh looked up this time, hoping to find in his best friend's eyes the answer he was looking for.

Tyler thought for a second, then broke a smile. Almost a sad one. "It does. It makes perfect sense Josh." The boy slided on the floor to get closer, punching Josh's arm with a laugh that didn't sound real enough to Josh's ears. "Dude, we did it! We found a way to help you get rid of this!"

And in front of so much enthusiasm, as faked as it was, Josh could only smile. It was true in a sense: he had spent more than two years of his life feeling miserable because of his abilities, and he had now found a way to possibly shut it down for good. So why didn't he feel excited? 

What was wrong with him?

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I know, I know. This was supposed to be published yesterday. But I had an idea that wouldn't leave me and I had to write it down. So instead I published a one-shot in my "Christmas Tales" book. I would really appreciate if you would check it out (it's called "So much for a Happy New Year") as I think it could possibly be turned into a full story and I'd like your opinion on it. 

But anyway - I hope you like this chapter still. Are you sad that this is coming to an end? Because I am.