DV Series: decoding the boys (under revision) ??

56 | always

He shrugged. "No, but I know you, Javee. I'm sure as hell Racel would never break up with you kaya isa lang ang alam kong magpapaganyan sa 'yo. Your stupid brother."

"He's not stupid," depensa ko. I reached for the glass of water and took long gulps. All this talk was making me feel lightheaded.

"Anong nangyari? Pa'no niya nalaman?" sabi naman ni Maxxie.

Kinuwento ko sa kanila ang buong pangyayari. This time, hindi na dumating ang mga luha. Pakiramdam ko ay napagod na ako sa kaiiyak.

"Alam na ba ni Racel?" tanong ni Hiromi.

Umiling ako.

The truth was, he'd been texting me since yesterday pero maiikli lang ang mga sagot ko. I told him I was feeling under the weather kaya hindi ako matinong makasagot sa kanya. He seemed to get the hint kaya hindi na kami nakapag-usap simula kaninang umaga.

I felt like an ass for doing that to him. But I didn't want to worry him. Isa pa, ayokong isipin niya na kasalanan niya. I needed to get my shit together bago ko siya kausapin ulit.

"Natatakot lang ako na baka 'di na ako kibuin kahit kailan ni Kuya," inamin ko sa kanila.

Lhyle said, almost in a scoffing tone, "Don't be silly. Men process anger differently, Jav. You know this. Ngayon lang mag-iinarte 'yang kapatid mo. In time, aayos din 'yan. Trust me, I'd know. I've been there."

Tinitigan ko siya nang matagal, feeling the fuse of hope light up within me. May point si Lhyle. He'd been mad at me once and he forgave me. Sana'y gano'n din ang mangyari sa amin ni Kuya.

Sa sinabi niya, naalala ko tuloy yung tinuro sa 'kin ni Dad before tungkol sa pagproseso ng inis ng mga lalaki.

Men react to anger differently.

Unlike with girls, men fire up quickly and cool down in a shorter period of time than girls. Tayong mga babae kasi, we take longer to get upset kaya nga nasasabihan tayong matiisin. Usually di-ni-diffuse muna natin ang sitwasyon. Sinusubukang intindihin, sinusubukang ayusin bago tayo magalit. But once we get fired up, it's more difficult to calm us down. Parang kettle nga daw ang mga babae. Takes time to boil but when it does, the water stays hot for some time.

Syempre, katulad sa maraming bagay, women have different emotional response to arguments din. Mas mabilis tayong ma-i-stress kaya madalas ay nag-o-overreact tayo. That doesn't mean boys are without faults. They can go from fired up to cool to fired up again just as quick.

After dinner, Lhyle offered to drive me home. Nanatili akong tahimik sa buong byahe habang iniisip ko ang mga sinabi nila kanina.

They said I shouldn't push too much. That my brother will come back if I give him ample time.

Umaasa ako. Sana nga. Sana tama sila. But at the back of my mind, I was dreading another thing. What if things had changed already? Paano kung may lamat na, kung may gap na?

The thought scared me so much.

I sighed, wringing my hands. Nilingon ko ang bestfriend ko na kanina pa ang pagsulyap-sulyap sa 'kin.

"Go on. Say I told you so," I said quietly.

"Why would I even wanna do that?" he said, incredulous.

"I dunno. Maybe because I'm being pathetic right now."

He turned to me, his face softening. "Not pathetic, no. Just hurting and there's nothing wrong with that." He darted back to the road.

"Ang hirap lang kasi. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan bakit gano'n kagalit si Kuya sa kanya."