Match Your Weakness With A Name

Eleven? This Should Never Have Happened.

Surprisingly, Derek's face loses some of its color. "Why didn't you just say-"

"I. Just. Fucking. Did."

"Well, what do we do?" cuts in Ryan. "Apparently we can't just leave it, or Mr. Innocent will bite our heads off." He sidles up to me, trying to match me, but I'm six feet tall. He comes just short of intimidating. "Whaddya want us to do now? You chewed me out, now fix the fucking problem, you lumbering idiot."

I'm sure there are a hundred thousand better solutions I could propose, if I had time to think, but only one comes clear in my mind. For a short moment I hesitate, staring Ryan straight in the eye to humor him, and wonder if this is actually a good idea. I've already said too much. I figure at this point I have nothing left to lose.

"Tell them I'm a rape victim," I say, and storm out of the locker room.

On my way out, I see Jenna opening the pool gates to the public. I wave to her with my good hand, and she waves back, totally chill. My shift is over anyway.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

It is four in the afternoon and I lie on my bed, regretting all my life choices. It was inevitable, of course, but I've learned that the definition of inevitable rivals my mental state in terms of stability. There are many factors in deciding it, too many to count, but the number also challenges the factors of my mental state. Inevitable can mean you are able to prepare, or it can mean you can only wait for it to come, wondering what you're going to do when it finally does. For me, it's the latter, and I never learned how to make it the former.

In its essence, inevitable means unstoppable, which seems most fitting. I am unable to stop the sick feeling in my stomach that comes from talking about it, the crashing waves of shame that bring my blood and stomach acid to a boil. For a second at a time, I feel like I'm back in my old bedroom in my parents' house, the door locked from the outside, only able to guess their next move.

Fuck this. I need to talk to Awsten.

My phone is charging across the room. Ordinarily, I wouldn't've gotten up to go get it, but Awsten is the only exception.

G: Hey.

He doesn't respond. Maybe he's busy. In the meantime, I decide to put on one of my CDs to kill time and distract myself.

I sit up in bed and run a hand along the spines of my collection. Warning, All Killer No Filler, The Black Parade, Take Off Your Pants And Jacket...I pause when I find Awsten's favorite, Viva La Cobra.

Normally, I don't listen to that album often. I'm more of a While The City Sleeps, We Rule The Streets kind of guy. But it calls to me, the same way Awsten called to me the first day we met. I put the disc in my CD player and press play.

The first song hits me like a brick to the face, the one thing I forgot about this album. It's loud and powerful and in-your-face. That must be why Awsten likes it so much; he's got such a loud personality, it fits him. And it's pretty good for tuning out racing thoughts-some singers have dull, uninteresting voices and bland lyrics, but Gabe Saporta is not one of them.

I am five songs deep when Awsten replies.

A: What's up, G-spot?

That fucking nickname. I smile to myself and type a reply.

G: Lots of things, but I just wanted to talk to you about Cobra Starship.

A: What about Cobra Starship?

G: Just, in general. I want to be a fanboy for a while.

A: That I can do. Gabe Saporta made me realize I was bi.

G: He was one of my celebrity crushes back in the day.

A: His smile, his legs, his voice, I just want him to kiss my neck on a preschool playground during lunch recess while that one song from the Shrek movie plays.

G: What song? All-Star by Smash Mouth?

A: Yeah, that one.

G: That's quite the fantasy you have there.

A: Yeah, well, I spend all that time cooped up in my house, I'm bound to get an overactive imagination at some point.

G: Lucky. You got an overactive imagination, I just got unhealthy coping mechanisms that will take me intensive therapy to unlearn.

Whoa! Too close to home. I pray Awsten changes the subject back to Cobra Starship so I don't have to live with the consequences of my actions.

A: Ha ha. My family probably won't even let me go see the fireworks show on the fourth by myself.

G: What do you mean, by yourself?

A: I mean, without them or Otto.

I think for a moment, and get possibly the best idea I've had all day.

G: What about me?

*

AUTHOR'S NOTE

I'm so sorry this chapter's late. I went to a Waterparks concert yesterday and ran out of both time and energy.