DV Series: decoding the boys (under revision) ??

60 | facade

"And? Hindi naman kayo nagkagulo? I hope you didn't punch your way into things." I searched his face for any signs of bruise or cut. Wala naman.

I drew a sigh.

Tumawa siya. "I'm not like your brother. Although muntik na ngang mauwi doon."

My shoulders tensed. "What?"

He shook his head, chuckling. "But it didn't so don't worry. I'm really fine."

Umiling-iling ako, clearly not pleased. "So, kung hindi si Rohann, what's been bothering you? I've been seeing you less and less these days. I feel like I did something wrong."

Racel reached out and laced his fingers through mine. "You did nothing wrong. May inaasikaso lang ako lately. I didn't mean to neglect you or make you feel that way. Things at home were just hectic these days. Forgive me?" He gave me his version of puppy eyes.

Gutierez puppy eyes.

Holy fudge.

My insides melted into a puddle. How could I say no to that? Kahit wala siyang gawin, sure akong pinapatawad ko na siya. Damn.

I tilted my face. "You're sure it's not about me or us?" I asked, still skeptic.

He kissed my palm. "No, baby. It's nothing. I promise I'll handle it."

I wasn't convinced but I said, "Okay, then. I forgive you."

He was clearly hiding things from me but if he didn't want me to know, then I wouldn't press on. He'd tell me in his own time. I knew better than to force a guy to spill the beans anyway. That's a lesson I learned early on from my brothers. So I'd be patient with him like how he'd always been with me.

This time, I'd wait.

#

Maliban kay Racel, may iba pa akong inaalala. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ako hindi papansinin ni Kuya Jacob. Sa tuwing magtatama ang mga tingin namin, gustung-gusto ko siyang yakapin. I could beg for his forgiveness forever. Pero hindi ko magawa-gawa dahil ayokong pilitin siyang makipagbati.

Hanggang kailan kaya kami ganito? I missed my brother so damn much. Hindi ako sanay na may tumatagal kaming alitan. Dati naman kasi ay hindi namin pinalilipas ang away. We'd always reconcile before we go to bed. Ngayon ko nararamdaman kung gaano talaga ako ka-dependent sa kanya.

But I tried to make things better between us. Sa simpleng mga bagay lang. Sometimes I'd bake his favorite mocha cake. Minsan ay mag-iiwan ako ng lasagna sa ref para makain niya. I never gave those in person. Laging indirect kasi alam kong tatanggihan niya kung ako mismo ang magbibigay. Sa una, nakaka-disappoint kasi hindi niya pinapansin. Now, it was slightly better. He took notice of the graham cake I made for him three days ago. Pasimple lang niyang kinuha and I pretended I didn't see it while he was doing so. Mahirap na. Baka magbago pa isip niya.

Kuya Andrei even joked about my efforts once. Nagseselos daw siya at puro si Kuya Jacob lang ang sinusuyo ko. Dapat daw ay nagpanggap siyang galit din sa 'kin.

Tumawa lang ako at inasar siya kay Cari. It worked naman 'cause he didn't try to bring it up again. Even now, hindi ko ma-gets kung ano na bang stand nilang dalawa. Were they lovers pretending to be friends or friends who were once lovers? Ewan ko.

My cousins were, decidedly, more vocal with what they feel. Kung tutuusin, summer na. Dapat ay sama-sama kaming mag-swi-swimming pero dahil may problema nga ay kanya-kanyang vacation na lang tuloy kami. I went out with my brothers once, twice with my friends, and once with Racel bago yung corporate party nila. Sa ikalawang buwan ng summer, I lost all hope na makakabati ko pa ang mga pinsan ko. At least, not anytime soon.