I sigh and throw my phone against the wall in frustration. I rush up to my room and adjoining bathroom. I grab out a pen and notebook and my hand shakes heavily as the pen meets the paper.
I'm sorry you had to find me. I'm sorry for all the pain and regret and annoyance I've caused. I'm sorry I'm a fuck up. I'm sorry I caused heartbreak. I should have done this a long time ago...
If this is you Carson, I'm sorry.
I was the worst person in the world to you and you stuck with me through hell and back. Don't feel like this is your fault, it isn't anyone's but my own. Go live on without me and pursue your dreams. I can't hold you back anymore.
If it's Sam or Colby,
I'm sorry your 17 year old daughter turned out to be a shitty fucked up teenager. You should have just took Carson and not me. You'd all still be happy. And don't blame yourselves, blame the dead girl in the bathtub. She's the one who slit her own wrists not you.
If it's Cameron.
I don't know what to say to you. Even if you never really cared about me, I cared about you. You were there for me when I was being stuck up and stuck by my side. I love you Cameron and nothing will take that away. You can't blame yourself because it was me who did this to myself.
If this is anyone else,
I'm sorry I exsisted
~ Zero "go suck my pickle" Golbach.
I sigh and tape the note to the bathroom mirror. I turned on the bath water and slid off the bracelets hiding the hundreds of horizontal scars upon my pale flesh. I took the tiny metal from it's hiding place and stepped in with my clothes still on. Wearing shorts and a crop top was the perfect choice.
I placed the metal to my skin and bit my bottom lip trying not to flinch as I slid it vertically down my thighs. I stopped just above my ankles and felt dizzy but held it to the bend of my elbow. Here goes nothing.
After that it was too blurry to see. Black and white dots danced around my vision until finally it faded into nothingness.
I'mfinallyfree
Carson's POV
I walk over to the couch and Colby sits by me. I put my head on his shoulder and sigh.
"You OK ?"
"I'm just tired"
"OK , I get everyone to leave."
Colby kicks everyone out and I got to my room and go to sleep.
~5 hours later ~
Colby is at Nicks house. I have been in my room for 5 hours crying. I miss my best friend and I have not eaten since then I can't believe I did that I feel so bad. I'm literally dying inside. I miss Sam and I just cant take this any more. Its been 5 months since the fight. I need some one to support me. I need my family back together. I need a friend. I can't the girls because they all took Zero's side except for Gabbie and Liza and they are with David and Zane. So I can only call Toddy, Corey, Scotty, Heath, or Elton. I just call Corey.
Co=Corey Ca=Carson Co = Hello? Ca = Hey Corey. Co = whats up Ca = can we do something to day? Co = yeah I'll pick you up. Ca = thanks see you soon. Co = Bye Ca = Bye.
I get out of bed and take a shower. I get out and take a hair dryer and blow it against the mirrior. Thanks Gilinsky. I wrap a towel around me and walk out to my room and change into
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I put my hair in a high pony tail. I grab my phone, wallet, a am d my house key. I pull my phone out a bout to texts Corey when he knocks on the door. I unlock the door and open it.
"Hey Carson"
"Hey Corey."
"You ready? "
"Yeah"
We walk out to his car a And I see Toddy, Heath, and Elton. I get in the back seat and climb over Toddy to sit in the middle.
~one hour later~
I told the boys to drop me off at the park and I'll walk home so they did. Now I am standing in the rain walking around my thoughts following me around. I see the bridge by the park and look down it. Thats far. I get up on the railing and stand up and I hear my name.
"CARSON WAIT" I hear the voice of my Uncle Elton. I slowly turn aroung to face him. Behind him Scotty, Toddy, Heath, and Corey.
"Carson please we know your going through alot of things." Scotty says walking slowly towards me with his arms out.
"I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE, I MESSED UP. I CANT SEE MY BESTEST FRIEND, AND COLBY BARLEY TALKS ANYMORE. I HURT MY FAMILY AND I DONT DESERVE THIS... Good bye I love you. And tell Colby and Sam also Zero that I love them and I will miss them alot. Also that im sorry." I turn back facing the edge of the bridge and I fall. I fall to my death, my freedom. My gateway.
I'm Finally done with life.
A/N so this is chapter 8 for ya the next chapter you will love probably. Or hate us. Anyways please dont commit suicide. If you need help just message me or Maxx. On our personals ~ Torri
