keep it up ? joshler ?

14

josh nodded slowly, looking a bit suspicious but not doing anything about it.

tyler walked away, and found a plain door imprinted into the purple walls. he stepped inside.

to his disappointment, however, blurry and other-josh had followed him.

"there's something wrong with this, tyler. don't you see it? i'm paler than i used to be. i'm weaker than i used to be. everything is off, can't you feel it?"

"no. i feel kind of happy, actually. why can't you guys let me have that for one day?" tyler spat.

blurry laughed. "what good is it to work hard to torture someone, only to have someone undo it the next day?"

"why won't you torture someone else's sleep? did i do something wrong?"

other-josh nodded. "yes, yes you did. you became friends with joshua dun."

"you shouldn't have let him back into your life, ty." blurry said.

"you have no right to call me ty."

"i can do whatever i want."

even though the volume of blurry's voice remained the same, the sudden pain in his head and twitch of his hand proved that he had screamed.

"you know what you have to do." blurry whispered.

tyler glanced down, finding a razor just sitting at his feet, but shook his head and looked at the wall.

"you know what? nope. no. not happening."

tyler walked out, an angry blurry and a confused other-josh trailing behind him.

"nope. nope. nope nope nope."

the room shifted. the previous purple walls expanded until they were nonexistent, and now, instead of looking up like you were at the bottom of a bottomless pit, you'd see the stars twinkling behind floating shapes of all different colors.

he ignored the droning from the two imaginary people behind him.

he lit a cigarette and watched as blurry and other-josh morphed into silent swirls of color. they were the only reasons he still smoked- it was the only way to shut them up.

he looked around at the colorful moving shapes that lined the sky and blocked his vision that went any farther than five feet ahead. they were almost mesmerizing, in a way. the purple triangles and the blue octagons, and moving and spinning around him. he hated it.

he hated this place- wherever he was.

"ty-" a voice emerged from behind him and tyler quickly dropping the cigarette, crushing it with his foot.

turning, tyler caught sight of josh. real josh. his pale, blue haired, bad postured, frail, beautiful, best friend josh.

tyler, however, just turned and looked back up at the shapes as josh neared and sat next to him.

"please tell me you know they're lying..." real josh said in a comforting tone.

tyler sniffed. "i know... or, maybe... i don't know, josh..." he brought his hands up to his face, covering his eyes with his palms. "i have no idea..."

"tyler, you have to know."

"how am i supposed to, josh? i mean, it's not like you tell me everything, how do i know you don't really hate me?"

"...what?"

"i don't know where you live, i've never met your family, i don't know if you have any siblings, the only other friend of yours i know you have is mikey, i don't know where you went to school, i don't know your real hair color, i don't-"

"ahh, catching on, are we?"

tyler slowly picked up his head in confusion, looking directly at josh... but something was... off.

"...what?" tyler croaked, and it hit him. josh's face, it wasn't so sunken, it looked as if it had more life to it.

"don't you get it? i'm making it as obvious as i can," josh almost laughed, as just like that, his pale skin turned to one of a normal tan.

"g-get what?"

"come on now, tyler." josh said again as muscle found its way to his arms and body, making it look as if he wasn't so skinny.

tyler stayed silent, watching in awe as he knew what was happening, and didn't like it.

"i'm just using you!"

then, with those last words, josh completely changed into the other josh from before. the fake josh.

but that was impossible, real josh was just sitting next to tyler just a moment ago, comforting him...

"where did josh go?"

"oh, tyler, i didn't go anywhere. this is how it is, don't you understand? i act nice around you, pretend to be understanding and helpful, but in reality i'm only using you for my own advantage, but you've only just figured that out now, didn't you? you don't think there's a reason i don't tell you anything personal? it's because it's pointless, tyler, and i'm just gonna leave you one day. not like ryan did, i'll still be alive just enough to watch you break down."

tyler wanted to scream, yell, freak out, but he couldn't. he just sat in his place, trembling as the name floated in his head.

"don't... don't say that..."

"say what? ryan?" josh taunted.

"don't... i can't hear it... please..." tyler cried.

josh didn't reply, but smirked at the mess of a boy in front of him, then left. dissolving into the atmosphere, drifting off into the shapes that covered the sky.

tyler didn't even know how josh knew that name.

---

tyler awoke with a shake.

that was one of the worst dreams he's had yet.

his eyes quickly fluttered open, looking around the room to find it was the same as the previous night, except he could feel the rise and fall of josh's chest under him.

he pushed off almost immediately, scrambling to the other side of the couch, his bones cracking as he did so.

he looked at the sleeping josh, his pale complexion and skinny arms, just now wondering what josh's childhood was like that caused his appearance to be this way.

tyler's breathing was shaky and tears found their way to his eyes. his heart began to beat so fast he could feel it, and it felt like if he didn't do something soon he was going to have a heart attack.

his breathing is now very loud and very heavy, and without a second thought gets up and runs out the door into the cold october air, not caring that he's only wearing socks, joggers, and a ripped tee shirt.

his hands twitch as he makes his way behind the building, fingers shaking violently as he fumbles with the lighter and cigarettes, lighting one and bringing it to his lips.

after taking a drag, he just stands there and sighs, wanting for something to happen.

but it doesn't.

he takes another drag, waiting again, but his heart is still beating loudly and his breathing is still uncontrollable.he begins to freak out, dangerously bringing the cigarette to his lips and down, basically inhaling it, even forgetting to breath the fresh air once in awhile.

after a while of this not working, the panic attack suffices and causes him to break down, his back sliding down against the wall and for him to sit on the ground in all the leaves, sobbing uncontrollably.

he puts out the drug and walks back inside not, even bothering to hide the box or to make sure his eyes weren't red.

josh is only using him anyway.

but, to his surprise, josh isn't sleeping on the couch.

in his place is a note with sloppy handwriting,

"had to go, text you later xx"