keep it up ? joshler ?

28

tyler nodded. it was small and slow, and if you didn't pay attention you would have missed it, but it was there.

josh gulped, then began to explain his side.

"when i met him, he was... like us, i guess. sick, but not broken, i guess. still had hope."

tyler nodded. although he knew how this all happened already, he wanted to hear josh's story.

"even when he was here he smoked badly. he'd sneak off into the courtyard or something just to do it. i never really understood, i mean, he already have lung cancer.

"he stayed up all night writing stuff. whether they were songs or something, none of us really knew. he'd just always stay up with the light on, writing in this little notebook he kept in his drawer. he marked the corner of every page with this symbol thing. none of us knew what it meant. an x, but three sides were boxed in, and it looked like three triangles.

"then, one day, he disappeared from the hospital. the doctors and nurses told us he checked out, that he was better, but to us it didn't seem like a thing changed.

"he didn't show up again for a long time.

"until one night, when he's being rushed in on a gurney, but it wasn't because of his lungs, it's because he overdosed.

"he- he didn't make it. brendon was in the worst state i've ever seen him in.

"i got this tattoo behind my ear, and from that day on vowed to never smoke in my life."

tyler glanced at his own arm, the same one where his tattoo was. it matched the symbol ryan drew on his notebook pages, and now it matched the one josh had behind his ear.

he was at a loss for words.

"r-ryan and i... we w-were friends since we were k-kids...."

josh sat back a bit, letting tyler continue.

"i was the first person he told. i knew he smoked. i never did it; dear god no; but he was addicted. so when he learned he had lung cancer at only fifteen, shortly after being diagnosed with a panic disorder and depression... it didn't help much.

"he was trapped in the hospital, and his parents didn't want anyone seeing him, so i couldn't visit. we texted, of course, but whenever we would even do something like facetime i could tell he was getting worse. it was horrifying, watching him fade from my childhood friend into a shell of a person.

"with every call he was paler and his voice was weaker. he was growing more and more depressed. he never told me about you or brendon or anyone, but i always assumed he had his own room, so i didn't know.

"then one day i get a knock on my door. he tells me he's healthy enough to stay home, and he hangs out at my place.

"the first time it happened, i thought it would be the only one. his lungs stopped working, and i had to call an ambulance to bring him back.

"a week later, he showed up at my door again.

"the episodes became so regular i stopped calling ambulances. i grabbed the regular stuff, threw it into a duffle bag, then rushed him to the hospital.

"god, we were so stupid. obviously if your friend's lungs stop functioning more than once it means they shouldn't leave the only place that'll keep them alive, but i was just so.. selfish, no, i was so happy to have my best friend back."

tyler paused, but only to sniff before continuing.

"february 9th was the day it happened. right away i knew it wasn't just an episode, he was foaming around the mouth for god's sake. i called an ambulance, ran around, threw his stuff into a bag, and followed them there."