Just Another Freak Like You [L X Reader]

Chapter 13

"My past...was difficult."

He nodded again.

"Alone. I was always alone. No one to turn to. nobody wanted me, i had no friends, as i turned everyone away. I always push them away...i don't know why, i guess it's because one day they'll end up killing me. Loneliness is a very familiar feeling...Alone."

"We seem to be very similar.. You actually remind me of a certain someone, someone in my past, someone special, but not just someone...her name was [Y/n]." For the first time, since i have been here, he talked softly, with tears in his eyes, once he said my name.

It hurts me to think i hurt him.

As soon as he said my name, my real name. My throat got all tight, as did my chest. I could only get out a whisper. Tears where threatening to spill, to flow down my flushed cheeks. As he was explaining himself, his likes, his dislikes, the words that escaped him mouth became echoey, as soon as those vibrations met my ears, they turned to silence. 

Deafening silence.

Not the kind that is calming...Nor soothing silence...The silence that you beg to stop. The torturous silence, that goes on and on, years and years, until you have had enough. I have had enough.  I have had enough of the lies. I have had enough of the secrets. I have had enough of the disguises. I have had enough of this investigation. I have had enough of the deaths. I have had enough of the loneliness. This loneliness that follows my deadly, defeating lies. I have also had enough of the truth. As because when it comes out, because it will. It will be like a hurricane, tsunami, earthquake, all at once, it will destroy worlds...It will destroy my world.

Hearing him say my name, hearing him say his like, his dislikes, his interest. Him. Hearing him talk about him. I interrupted him.

"Obviously i dislike Kira, no, hate, I hate Kira, as said before i am childish and competitive, so i hate loosing though i am 90% su-"

"Excuse me, Ryu."

 After hearing those words that came fumbling out of my mouth, i stood up from my seat and ran away, from that room, away from the HQ, away from my problems, away from my guilt, away from L...again.

I ran. I ran all the way towards the park where the blossom trees swayed as the bitter wind blew against them. The wind that plucked the pink beauties from their family of fellow cherry blossoms, towards the air to float and fall to the cold harsh ground to get stepped on and the life, the shine, the happiness, the joy being pushed out of their roseate self...until they are non-existent.

These Cherry Blossoms are a perfect metaphor of my life. Always thrown away and forgotten But the reality i am not forgotten. It's my fault, i am always pushing people away. Always running away from my problems. I didn't have to do what i did...There could have been another option. I could have done something. Told Watari. Done something. But i did the only thing i knew possible...Let people down...throw them away like they were nothing, but that's not true- I am nothing. I was nothing. My new self is now something. [F/n]. But the real me, i was trash. I was the worthless one...Am still a worthless one...Always will be the worthless girl, who died an unknowing death. Who never said goodbye. Who never had an honorable last moment. Who dropped off the world without anything. That is the old me. The old me...Is dead.

"[F/n]?"

I looked up to see L stood in front of me with a quizzical look upon his pallor face.

"I am 75% sure i  said something that upset you, [F/n]."

I shook my head "No...No...No..."

"Why did you run away from me then?" With a grave tone in his voice, with a matching facial expression.

"Your story, it just reminded me of my childhood. And i...i...i-"

"If you say so." Cutting me off, as he saw the tears welling up in my [E/c] eyes. After i calmed down, he held his hand out for me to hold. So i gripped his hand, for him to pull me up. I was expecting a release of the firm grip on his calloused hands. But no, he held on, he held on like i was going to run away. Like i was going to reject him. Like i was going to disappear, just drop off the Earth...again.

I regret that decision.

So as i squeezed his hand, looking into his black eyes, which drilled into mine. I couldn't help but think - I'd never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them. He broke our stare, and lead us both out of the park. Which is when these ice like water droplets started pelting down upon us. Soon his famous, white T-Shirt and blue jeans and my [Clothing description] were seeping with this numbing rain water. His usual thick, tousled black as night hair was now falling down his pale, smooth, face. Although we were both a mess, staring at each other holding hands right in the middle of a downpour. He was still stood there, like a statue, no rush, no movement, we were just stood there. Happy in each others company. I looked up to see his eyes, to see that they were shining in this pool of midnight orbs, glowing with happiness.

We just kept standing there. As he gazed into my [E/c] orbs, he leaned down towards my face, cupping my flushed cheeks, while both our free hands were still holding each others. As he drew closer,i begun to feel his hot breath warm up my face, making me blush even more. Slowly he closed his eyes, as did i. He inched closer until we were a millimeters apart

...

Only to slam his  open, moving away and removing his hand from my cheek, walking inside, still soaking with the rain. Leaving me here, stood in the rain. 

Now i know how he felt those years ago...

L's POV

I can't do that. I still love [Y/n]. I can't betray her like that...not now...not yet...not ever!