Fading, Binding, and Secrets (Book 1)

That bitch keeps trying to take my handsome brother from me! Every time I convince myself that she doesn’t like him my thoughts take another route and dive into a pool of guilt. I cry every time I see him obsess over that bitch. She does nothing for him. and he knows it yet it’s always the same : ‘oh Ruka! She is so pretty…and blah blah blah!’ FUCK HER! GODDAMN! When is he ever going to notice my undying unconditional love for him? the way he talks to me. The way his hair moves in the wind. The way he cuddles close to me at night. The way he holds me protectively at night. I want my brother back. I want him to be mine and only mine. I want everything to go back to how it was. How we were in our own little world, where nobody could even come close to getting in. if only he knew how I felt about him, everything could-would-be different. There’s a part of me that wants to have him all to myself, but there’s another part that is too afraid to tell him. That part is afraid to get broken, that part, is my heart. If I told him anything, I’d die. I mean it’s just like having a crush on someone, but with this, it’s different. He’s my Big Brother. But sometimes I do wonder if he feels the same with me, because I have caught him staring a time of two…  Big brother. Why don’t you notice me anymore? Big brother. I love you. Big brother. Will you be mine? Big Brother. I want you. If you only knew…

I scratch the rest of it in my journal and sulk in my loneliness again. I close the front of my journal and flip to the back, where a little pocket holds my secrets and possessions. I pull out my favorite silver blade.

I yank my uniform off, revealing my smooth small body. Any girl would die to see this. Accept what I’m about to do. I hold the blade close to the top of my arm. I watch as I kill my pain with the red liquid that oozes from my arms. Every slice shows how less my big brother cares about me. Every cut tells me how unloved I am by him. I watch as the tears from my blood-shot eyes mix with the liquid on my arms. Both becoming one, something that I will never have with my big brother. I bite my lip as the pain sends a sharp sting all the way up my arm and down my spine. Big brother. Why? Do you want me to just die? I sliced about five more times and began to feel dizzy. I fall to the ground with the red liquid making a big spot on the carpet. Things began to get blurry as a black shadow appears as I slowly fade out, unconsciously. Death must be waiting.

*Hikaru’s POV-slight yaoi*

I watched as my brother ran out the door. I got up and chased after him. What has been up with him lately? He cries a lot more, and he is always so quiet, I never notice him there anymore. He never used to be like this. He has been so distant…ever since…ever since Ruka moved here. O.O

My eyes grew bigger as I leapt up from the seat next to Ruka<3 I ran after him with every ounce in my body I shouted “KAORU! WAIT!” but it was no use. He just kept running, right out the front doors of Ouran. I ran to the door and followed him. i watched as he shed more tears. More than what I have ever seen him shed before. I followed him to the gates of our home. Home? Comfort maybe? I let him run inside as I ran up to the door and shoved it open.

“What’s wrong with Master Kaoru?” the maid stopped me from chasing after my other half.

“That’s what I’m about to find out.” I said flatly. Just as I was about to run off the maid tugged at my arm and said kindly, “Your mother has something waiting for you, master, in the kitchen. She said to-“ I tuned out after that, waiting for her to finish up so I can get to my dear brother. I ran up the stair case. I heard a loud thud and started shouting,

“KAORU! KAORU!” I jiggled the door handle, locked. FUCK!

I stand back and kick the door as hard as I could.

BANG! BANG!

Still no use. I try it again and the door pops open. I see Kaoru spread all over the floor with a knife in one hand and blood pouring from his left arm.