Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

CHAPTER 56: Private Class

"Sometimes I get angry at him but.. He's not the reason I'm angry.... He doesn't deserve that."
"Do you feel bad when you get mad at him?"
I nodded.
"Okay."
I leaned into Josh, burying my face in his side.
He wrapped his around me.
"You okay?" he whispered.
I shrugged.
"What's wrong?"
I shrugged again.
"You want me to tell him to leave?"
"I dunno."
"Hey look at me."
I tilted my head up.
"Tell me what you want. Its okay if you want him to leave."
"It is?"
"Yes. Do you want him to?"
I looked over at Richard who gave a small smile.
I nodded.
Josh kissed the top of my head.
"Okay."
"What's going on?"
"Tyler would like if you were to leave."
"Leave? Why?"
(Because I want you to fucking leave.)
I shrugged.
"You don't know why you want me to leave?"
I took a deep breath.
"I just... I want to talk to Josh... Alone."
"Okay.... So do you want me to wait in the hall and come back in when your done or?"
"No... I want you to go for the day."
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then."
I nodded.
He left.

"What did you want to talk about?"
I sat up on his lap.
I pecked his lips a few times.
"Tyler."
"Shh."
"Tyler."
I started kissing him more heatedly.
"Tyler."
I kept kissing him but a few tears slid down my face.
"Tyler."
I stopped and started crying.
My hand rested on his shoulder, my head hung and my shoulders shaking with each sob.
"Tyler? Whats wrong?"
"Please."
"Please what?... What do you want?"
I straighted up and started kissing him again.
"Tyler. Tyler talk to me."
The kiss broke as another sob fell from my lips.
I swallowed harshly.
"Tyler whats wrong? I need you to talk to me."
I shook my head and pulled on the hem of his shirt.
"Tyler please talk to me."
I tried to pull his shirt off but he grabbed my hands.
"Tyler stop and talk to me. Tell me whats wrong."
"I.. I just... Please."
I scooted closer to Josh's crotch.
"Tyler were not doing this. Now tell me whats wrong."
"I don't want to."
"Tyler." he warned.
"Don't.. Don't use that tone."
"Why not?"
"I don't like it."
"I don't care. Tell me what's going on."
"Please Josh.. I don't- I don't want to. I want-I-i want."
"What? What do you want?"
I tugged on his shirt.
"No Tyler."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes!"
"Tyler no. Stop it right now."
I crawled off his lap, stomped my foot and crossed my arms.
"Why are you acting like this?"
"I'm sorry."
"Please tell me what's going on."
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"Hurting you."
"Tyler we've been over this. It's okay."
"But I feel bad."
"Its okay."
"I want to make you feel good because I feel bad but you won't let me."
"Why do you feel the need to do that?"
"I don't know. If I make you feel good I won't feel as bad."
"Come here."
He opened his arms.

I slowly crawled back onto his lap.
"Please Josh?"
"What?"
"I-i need to."
"You need to?'
I nodded.
"I-i know you might not understand why but I need to or I'll feel bad and I-"
"Shh it's okay."
"C-can I? Please?"
He nodded.
I smiled and tugged off his shirt.
I pushed him back so he was laying down and kissed him.
He lowered his hand to touch me but I smacked it away.
"No. This isn't about me."
"Tyler."
"No."
I grabbed his hands and moved them up above his head.
"Keep them there. Don't touch me. I need to make you feel good not the other way around."
He nodded.
I trailed kisses down to his waistband then unbuttoned them.
I heard his breath falter.
I reached my hand into his pants and palmed him through his boxers.
"Mm." he groaned.
I moved back up to kiss him while continued to gently move my hand.
I heard the door open.
I didn't even bother turning around or stopping what I was doing.
I just pointed toward the door.
"Out."
"Tyler..." it was Dr. James.
"Get out."
I slipped my hand into Josh's boxers and gently brushed over his tip.
His hips buck upwards.
"Uh."
"Tyl-"
"OUT!"
I heard the door close again and turned to make sure he was gone.
He was.
I looked back at Josh who had his head thrown back against the sheets along with his hands tangled in them, his eyes closed and his mouth open as breathy moans fell from it.

°~° (tbh idk if you guys would want like full on smut or not so for now I'm not gonna write it but if you would want it lemme know in da comments okay? Okay cool byeeee.)

"Holy fuck Tyler."
"D-did I do okay?" I asked my voice straining slightly.
"Are you fucking kidding me? It was amazing."
I smiled slightly.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded.
"Are you sure?"
"I still feel bad."
"You don't need to. It's okay baby."
I nodded.
"Can we cuddle now?"
"You don't want me to help you?"
He asked gesturing toward the obvious bulge in my pants.
"No. I-i don't deserve it."
"Tyler don't say that."
"I don't want to .. I just want to cuddle right now."
"Are you sure?"
I nodded.
"Okay."
I crawled up next to him and cuddled into his side as he wrapped an arm around me.
It was quiet for a few minutes.
"Ty?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
"For?"
"Nothing.... I love you."
"I love you too."