STATIC (LGBT)

Chapter 46

Smirking, I shook my head. It was always a little commical that I was finishing Highschool despite the fact that I already have had various jobs. Yet I understand that it is important.

At least, it is important now. I need those grades to be able to get into the university I´m applying to next fall. I don´t worry about extra-curricular activities and references, I'll most definitely have really good ones. The grades are what I have to keep up... Specifically, Mathematics. It's incredibly hard but I swear that I want to skip at least a year of it at university – those credits are important to graduate earlier. Plus, I´m already waiting a year to give closure to my musical career for a while. A hiatus? Is that how you call it?

I dried my hair, put a pair of jeans and a white shirt on. It was already April and the temperature was changing drastically. Soon, I´ll be wearing shorts – something I´m incredibly excited for. I absolutely hate cold tempereatures... It´s not my thing.

When I went back into my room from the adjacent bathroom, I noticed how dark it was. The camouflage curtains casted a dark shade making everything appear to be too dull for my liking. I started taking a few steps towards them but stopped short when I remembered why I hadn't opeened them. I had not wanted to think much about it for a few days even if, from the start, I was conscious that it was not the best decision. I knew perfectly well that avoiding things that cause strong emotional turmoils are best dealth with if you process them from the start...

But I can´t think about it, can I? I don't want to. I don't want to leave her.

I don't want her to leave me.

But I do want to start doing something different and there´s nothing more exciting than living. It doesn't matter anymore though whether it is through first-hand experience or not. Hearing my dad talk to us about his patients and get to know them has been far more gratifying than travelling to Europe or Asia or even Antarctica (not that I have actually gone there already).

Although, telling her... that was hard. I don't know how I could even react so... emotionless when she told me about going into Music Engineering... Or maybe I wasn't emotionless – I just didn't react too strongly. The only time that I felt a mood change was when I realized what our choices implied. I was almost sure when she told me that she would most definitely go for it and, personally, I knew that this place was not for developing those kinds of skills. At her level of music knowledge and ability to mix sounds she'd need to go somewhere else. If not Europe then another state.

In any case, right now I so wanted to see her... but I didn't either. A thin line existed between what I loved and what I didn't want to happen. If I ignore her for now I won't have to face all of this but if it drags on I won't be able to feel her presence. Plus I don't want it to get all awkwards when we go back to school...

No. Nothing like that is needed between us. It's even the very first thing I focused to erase. Her awkwardness towards me. I didn't need that to come back and for totally different reasons that now did have to do with me.

I felt my impulses rise so my arms, almost immediately, were sliding the curtains apart to only find her staring right across to me. Her amber eyes looked surprised behind her glasses and her lips were slightly parted at realization that we truly hadn't seen each other for days.

I brought my foot up to the edge of the windown and pulled myself up onto the roof. I felt the slight wind blow my wet hair slightly across my face. The air outside felt fresh, something I hadn't felt since orchestra practice has been put on hold. Almost half of the members have to study so in 3 weeks we're starting again to play our last concert before graduation...

My feet landed squarely on the red tiles and as I stood back up from my crouched position my eyes landed on hers. Like that, and only like that, with the soft look in her eyes that she had started portraying once she gained trust in me, my heart beat against my chest in one single strong pulse.

I don't know how or why but every emotion she brings to me makes me feel like I'm living, as if death was not a definite, and as if all that remains is the taste of her lips and the smile they form against my skin. All she is is all I want.

My fingers went to the polished wood frame that opens up towards the outside. My pulled it, step back and stepped in again to meet her at the edge of her room, where, before I could do anything, she reached up to my face and pulled me down gently into a kiss. My lips met hers and I could feel how they immediately fell into a familiar shape – I already knew how her lips were. Incredibly soft, a slight pink that I adore, thin and warm... and excellent kissers. I would always feel myself melt in them when she kissed my bottom lip. Just like now, with a simple caress, I felt my breath leave my lungs and my body sit down frame allowing my legs to trap her into a tight, full-on embrace.

This was not a desperate kiss. It was simply us wanting to feel each others warmth... and nothing else. This is like it always is when we're alone.

And it is, definitely, not something I wanted to part from, never.