Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

CHAPTER 63: Their Scared

I sit in his arms crying until I heard the door open.
I open my eyes to see my family slowly entering, their petrified.
I turn my face away from them, crying to Josh's shirt.
"Are you going to go see them?"
I shook my head.
"Why not?"
"Because their scared of me. I don't be want them being more scared." I sobbed.
"Why would they be scared?"
"I don't know. They probably think I wanted them here to hurt them or something."
"Is that why you wanted them here?"
"No. I would never hurt them."
"Then they have no reason to be scared do they?"
I swallowed harshly.
"Why don't you go over and give them a hug or something?"
I shook my head.
"T-they probably don't want me to."
"Do you want to?"
I nod.
"Then go do it."
"See I told you there nothing to be afraid of." Madison said.
I didn't even realize she was here.
"Ty-tys just sick.. his head is sick but he's trying to get better." She said.
I turned to look at her.
She ran over, moving Josh's arms from me and giving me a hug.
"Madison stay over here!"  My mom yelled.
Madison ignored her though.
I dropped to the floor on my knees and hugged her tight.
"It's okay Ty." She said.
I open my eyes and look up at my parents, my lip quivering and tears running down my cheeks.

My mom slowly walks over, pulling Madison away from me and pulling me off the ground.
I stared at her.
She raised her arms, I flinched. thinking she was going to hit me or something but instead she hugged me.
I cried into her shoulder.
"Shh you're okay. It's okay. Everything's okay."
I felt one of my mom's arms leave me but a few seconds after it did another person was hugging me.
"We don't hate you."
My dad.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Everything."
"Shh. It's okay."
"It's not okay. What I've done is not okay."
It was quiet for a few seconds.
"Well at least you know that."
I nodded.
"Zack, Jay come here."
My mom and dad pull away.
Jay is the first to come over.
He hugs me.
I hug back, it was only a quick hug.
Zack wouldn't come near me though.
My mom grabbed Zack and dragged him over to me, making him hug me.
I could tell he was uncomfortable so I didn't hug him back.
He pulled away, everything was tense.
I looked over at Josh.
When he seen the state I was in he quickly stood up and pulled me to his chest.

"Ty are you okay?" Maddy asked.
"No." I answer, taking deep breaths and wiping my eyes.
"Zack hug him!" She yelled.
"I did hug him!" Zack yelled back.
"No actually hug him! Hug him properly!" The yelling continued.
"No I already hugged him I'm not doing it again!"
"Stop." I cried, trying not to freak out at them.
I don't want to yell at them.
They instantly quieted.
"Stop fighting." I whisper.
I take a few shaky breaths and sniffle a few times.
"Just stop. I-i don't want to get mad."
"Why would you get mad?"
"I don't know. I just will. I get mad at everything. I don't know why though."
"It's okay baby."
I wrapped my arms around Josh, pressing my cheek to his chest.
"I wanna wear your hoodie." I whispered.
I wear it a lot, especially when I don't feel my best.
"Okay."
He keeps it here for me.
He leaves in on the bed post.
He let go of me to grab it.
Once he had it in his hands he slipped it over my head and hugged me again.
"I love you."
He whispered, kissing my forehead delicately.
"I love you too."
It was quiet again.
I almost forgot my family was here until my mom spoke.
"Are you okay now?"
I shrugged.
I had stopped crying a while ago but I felt like I could start again any second.
Madison slowly walked over to me and Josh.
I pulled away from Josh to look at her.
She held up her stuffed cat.
"Mr. Kitty will make you feel better."
I smiled and gently took it from her.
Mr. Kitty used to be mine when I was younger but I gave it to Madison a while ago.
She would always give him back to me whenever she knew I felt sad or sick.

"Thanks Maddy."
"Your welcome Ty."
I look over at the rest of my family before turning to Josh, dragging him to the bed and sitting next to him.
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
"I'm really trying to get better. Though I only started yesterday... I'm trying really hard. I haven't gotten mad or anything, that's probably why I'm crying so much. I have so much anger and stuff but since I'm trying not to get mad it turns into different emotions."
"Okay. Well as long as your trying."
"I am.. I really am. I realize that how I've been acting isn't... It isn't a way I should be acting and I need to start being more mature about things... I can't keep hurting people. As much as I want to. It's just not right and I guess I always knew that but I just didn't give a shit so I continued to do it."
My mom walked over and kneeled down in front of me, taking both my hands in hers.
"I'm glad you can see that and I'm glad you want to try to get better."
I nodded.
"We should probably get going... Just know that we love you and only want the best for you."
"I love you too."
"Okay sweetheart. We'll see you soon."
"Okay."
She kissed my forehead and stood up.
They all waved goodbye and went to leave.

I looked down at the stuffed animal in my lap.
"Wait!"
They stopped to look at me.
I ran up to Madison, kneeling to be level with her height.
"Here. Take him with you. I don't need him right now." I said handing her Mr. Kitty.
She needs it a lot more then I do.
I have Josh.
"Are you sure?" She asked taking the toy into her hands.
I nodded.
She smiled and gave me a hug.
"Bye Tyler." She said.
"Bye Mads."
I stood up.
Mom smiled at me then they all left.
Josh came up by my side.
"Do you feel better now?"
I nodded.
"Good. Now come here."
He pulled me over to the bed.
He laid me down, hovered above me and kissed me.
I kissed back, wrapping my arms around his neck.
When he pulled back he rested his forehead against mine.
"I love you so fucking much Tyler."
"I love you too Josh."