The Blacksmith's Apprentice

Twenty: Almost a Hero

Yeah, I know that all too well, Hiccup thought silently but allowed his mentor to ramble on-because Gobber was clearly enthused as he hadn't been since Mulch died.

"But suddenly-someone who was taken, who was given up fer dead, is brought back-alive and we can believe again," Gobber continued. "If you could get Astrid back, mebbe we could finally find that nest and end the war!"

He couldn't help it then: he flinched. Horrific memories of that hideous heat and stench, of the urgency and the fear of losing her, of the roiling abyss with the monster that controlled the dragons and had almost eaten Astrid reared up. He blinked, knowing that if his father ever found the nest, he and the Tribe would be destroyed. They wouldn't stand a chance!

"Um...yeah..." he managed. But Gobber was on a roll now, an arm wrapped avuncularly around Hiccup's shoulders.

"And yer shot down a dragon!" Gobber enthused. "Yer actually shot down a dragon! Without killing yourself or blowing everything up. And Astrid survived! So...yer machine works! And if it shot that dragon down, then it can shoot more down here in Berk!"

Oh Thor...that is the last thing I want! Why did I say I shot down a dragon? Well, how else could I explain how I got Astrid back and it was sort of the truth-except Toothless shot the dragon down, not me and...oh Thor. I don't want to fight dragons. Not any more. And I don't really want to help them kill them either.

But he smiled weakly and nodded. "Um...great...go me!" he said unenthusiastically. Gobber's unibrow dipped and he stared at the younger man, his blue eyes raking the uncomfortable shape.

"Okay-spit it out!" he demanded, folded his arms across his ample belly. "Yer used tae be completely obsessed with shooting down a dragon, Hiccup..." The apprentice looked up then, his eyes accusing.

"And you know what happened," he shot back, unable to control himself. Gobber stiffened and guilt washed over his face.

"Oh..." he mouthed, guessing why the younger man was so wary. "I-I'm sorry, Hiccup. I never thought...but surely yer gotta be happy that people are finally impressed by yer?"

Hiccup shook his head. "I gave up on that a long time ago," he said quietly. "You're being nice to me now but come tomorrow when you're cranky or drunk, you'll go back to being how you normally are. And so will everyone else. They'll call me 'useless' and sneer at me or punch me or ambush me once more and all this will just be forgotten." He swallowed. "I always wanted my Dad to be proud of me-but he never will. He's proved over and over that, no matter what he says, he never cares enough to actually do anything about it. I am nothing to him. The only person I care about and who cares about me-is Astrid. So I risked everything to get her back."

Gobber gaped.

"I care about yer, lad," he protested and shivered as Hiccup's emerald eyes bored into his. And then, after a long moment that had Gobber sweating inexplicably, he gave a small shrug, looking away.

"You're just really, really bad at showing it a lot of the time," he admitted defeatedly. "I mean, you did take me in when my own father threw me out of the family and took everything away from me...and I am grateful, Gobber. But I'm not going to trust this village to treat me any better. That's not why I did this. I just wanted to save Astrid." Gobber hugged him again, this time more gently.

"Yer may have to get used ter people looking at yer differently," he told the boy gently. "Differently good. But be yourself, lad. Yer chewed out Dagur and then punched him! That got their attention! And then yer run off and managed to bring Astrid back alive-which is worthy of a saga all of itself. Stay true ter who yer are, lad-because the more I see of that young man, the more impressed I am." Closing his eyes, Hiccup hugged him back.