I'm So Into You!

What have I become?

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I'm laying in my bed with Alex. It's 3 am and I'm staring at the ceiling. Listening to the soft snores of my beloved. Listening to the rain drip onto the window. Everything is serene. Completely quiet. I can feel the warm air surround us. I'm not exhausted mentally but physically I am. One week till I get to go home with Lafayette. My mother basically. I think about him from time to time. I have no family, father? Yes. Abusive? Yes. Is he ever around? No. And no, I paid for my tuition and earned my scholarship, so I'm fine. But that's not the issue. He expects me home for thanksgiving. I won't, I'd rather travel to hell and back then go to him. He's coming to pick me up. But he probably will be days late. I remember spending nights in my own bedroom with the door locked. Whimpering into my pillows as the man I call father is in a drunken rage. I remember the sound of him pounding on my door to be let in. But I didn't. I forced a chair under the door and I packed my bags. I ran to Lafayette's house for a month. His family knew my situation and they allowed me. Thank the lord. I prayed everyday and night for this hell to be over. Well it is, but I just raised myself a new hell.

My mind wanders from the thoughts of my father. I think about who I have become. Never thought I would end up this way. I take a deep breath in and sigh. I close my eyes. The images of the dark crimson red blood pooling around my victims. The screams of agony echo through my mind and it races continuing over and over again. Who thought that I would ever hear the realistic sounds of literal bloody murder. I remembered the sight of my victims bodies go limp. The way life leaves their eyes. Or how their heart stops pumping and they have no pulse. No breath. Where do they go? Did they leave this hell hole we humans call earth. How many has Alex killed before me? Has he accidentally killed anyone? Sure he follows the specific code Dexter has, but that is fiction. This is reality. Now my new reality. I kill people. I'm also considered a serial killer. I kill for rewards. Like love and lust. Hot steamy sex. But is it really worth it? Is it worth the screams of innocent people? Is it worth the images that can never leave your mind? Is it all worth it?

My answer is, I don't know. Yes I do love Alexander Hamilton, and I love him enough to murder someone. How insane is that? Very insane a rational person might say. I sigh deeply. Pushing the thoughts to the back of my mind. I fluttered my green eyes open. I glance over to Alex and I see him smiling softly. He's so happy, so peaceful when he's asleep. I run my hand through his wavy brown locks of hair. He hummed softly and dig his head more into my hand. I smiled faintly and pulled him closer to me. I can feel his heartbeat against my chest. Slow and steady. This is human. I believe this is what you call human. A single heartbeat, a shallow breath, pretty much just signs of life. That is what I call human. I fell asleep with my hand running through Alex's soft brown hair and the sound of rain rolling down the window.

Hours later I had woken up to the sound of thunder roaring. I tiredly walked to my laptop and I received an email from the school. I look out my window and I see lightening. The sky surrounding it is purple and blue as the gold lightening strikes the sky. Honestly it's a beautiful mixture really.

Students,

Due to the thunder storm. You will not have class until it has calmed down. And if it doesn't by Wednesday, you all may leave home early. You may skip classes until the storm has calmed. You are all excused from class.

Sorry for the issue.

Well I guess I don't have school today. And it's Monday. I heard a muffled sob from the bathroom. I open the door and I see the bathroom with the lights off. I open the shower curtain and I see Alex quivering violently under a thick blanket in the bathtub. "Hey Alex." I whisper softly lifting up the blanket. I can see his eyes are red and tears are streaming down his angelic face. He shakily sits up in the tub with his blanket wrapped around him. "Come on. Let's go to the diner. Everyone will be there okay." I said grabbing his soft hands in mine. They were always cold and sweaty, but oddly it was comforting. He nodded his head and screamed when thunder had cackled. "It's okay, let's get you dressed and we can drive there instead." I pull him out of the tub and he hugs me. I hold him under his warm blanket and I can feel his hot tears on my chest. I kiss his forehead and he leaves to get ready.

He's afraid.

Cheesy I know, but suck it. I haven't written in two days. Sorry about that.