There's Someone I'm Waiting For (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Chapter 5 - Crumbling

He did sit down on the bed but he was as far away from you as the space would allow. He pulled a piece of paper out of his shirt pocket. "I was going through some things tonight and I found this." He handed the small paper to you and you saw that it was a ticket stub from the first movie you and Steve went to see together. Flipping it over, you saw he'd written on the back: "(Y/N) - 2nd date". He didn't question it, instead he opened his sketchbook and turned the pages until he saw what he was looking for. He turned the book around for you to see.

Your breath caught in your throat when you saw the image that had been drawn by Steve; it was a sketch of you reading a book. He turned a few more pages and there was another image of you, curled up in bed sleeping. Though you were covered with a sheet, you could see you had not had a shirt on when he drew it. You looked back up at his face.

"When were you going to tell me?" he asked. It wasn't an accusation, it came out very calmly. "This is you - this is my work and that's my handwriting," he pointed at the ticket stub in your hand. He stood up and paced a few steps before seeing the photo on your nightstand. He picked it up and looked at it for a long minute before his forehead tensed up. You couldn't tell if it was another headache or just agitation over the conversation. "Why didn't you tell me?" he looked at you.

For the millionth time that night, your eyes filled with tears. It was hard for you to believe you had any left to cry. "I didn't want to push myself on you, that was the last thing you needed when you woke up."

"You didn't think I'd need you?" he asked calmly.

"You were in love with someone else," you said, not even able to look at him.

"I'm sorry," he said, sitting back down.

"That's not your fault," you said, "you didn't choose it. This is just... the situation we were dealt."

"I wish I could have been there for you." He looked down at the picture in his hand. "I wish I remembered this."

"I wish you did, too," you said, wiping tears away.

His face tightened and he reached over with a finger to help you wipe away a tear, "I don't want you to cry. Come here." He put everything down and opened his arms, pulling you close. "I wish I remembered," he said into your shoulder. "You needed me more than I needed you and I wasn't there for you..."

He got it, you could see that he got it. You finally let your emotions just flow and it was obvious your control was gone when you said, "I've missed you so much."

"Here I was thinking this wasn't a big deal to anyone but me," he said. "I wish I could remember feeling like this. Here, I actually have this adorable, sweet girlfriend and I'm such a putz, I don't even know it."

Steve held you against him and didn't move. You weren't sure how that felt for him, being that he didn't really know you but it was exactly what you needed... and you knew he knew that. He was so good at seeing people, really seeing them.

"Wait," you said and broke away for him, reaching into the drawer of your nightstand. You pulled out a stack of cards and handed them to him. "This might help."

"Do you mind?" he asked.

"No, not at all. I can answer any questions you have," you said.

As he moved the stack, some things fell out and down to the floor. He moved to the floor to retrieve them but ended up sitting, cross-legged, on the floor. He started looking at everything, one at a time, reading every card, looking at every picture. You sat down on the floor next to him and leaned against the bed. He took out another picture of you two together, he was in his Army uniform and you were on his arm and dressed to the nines in a ballgown. He stared at it silently. "That's a ball we went to, Pepper sent me that photo," you said. "Pepper - that's Tony's girlfriend. She's amazing, you'll love her."

He sighed ever so slightly and looked from the picture to your face. "It looks like I'm in love with you," he said, holding the picture for you to get a better look. You'd forgotten that he wasn't looking at the camera in that picture but instead, smiling down at you. You grinned and looked down at the floor to pull out a special card he'd given you. You pulled a Christmas card out of the stack and handed it to him. He opened it and took a deep breath before reading. You remembered most of what it said because you'd read it so many times. He wrote it before you moved into his room and you would read it if you missed him. But you looked down to read it over his shoulder.

(Y/N),

Our first Christmas together... it's so hard to believe because I feel like I've known you so much longer. You're the first person I want to see in the morning and the last person I think about at night. You make me laugh, you make me happy, and you make me feel something deeper than I've ever felt before. I know this is only our first Christmas together and there will be many more to come, and for that, I am grateful. I look forward to every second I get to spend with you.

All my love,

Steve

As you stared at the card, Steve looked down at you. "Things are going to be different now," he said, reassuringly. You nodded and leaned your head onto the bed as he picked up another card. You closed your eyes, knowing every card he picked up would be signed, "All my love, Steve". Even if he couldn't remember everything from before, it was nice to not feel alone now.

You weren't sure how long you'd been asleep but you woke to Steve saying "Hey" gently and putting his hand on top of yours. You opened your eyes to find him smiling at you. You briefly forgot what had happened over the past few weeks.

"Thank you for this," he said, handing you the stack of cards and pictures. "I'm going to let you get some sleep now." He got off the floor and reached his hand down to you to help you up.

As you came to full height, you looked up at him and gave him a smile. But then, something seemed... different. You looked down to Steve's shirt, remembering what it usually looked like on him.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Has Bruce been checking up on you?" you asked.

"Yes, why?" he asked.

"Has he been weighing you?" you asked.

"No, not since the day of the accident," he confirmed. "Why? Does it look like I'm gaining weight?"

"No..." you looked at his shirt again, "you're losing weight. And I can't tell for sure, but... you look shorter as well." You looked at him seriously. "Come on, we're going to find Bruce." You grabbed your cell phone with one hand and Steve's hand with the other.