Hurt By You [Completed]

As I watched Julieta walk inside my apartment, I couldn't understand what the hell she was doing here. I didn't know how she knew where I lived and it confused me. I watch as she looks around the room and I felt judged as I had blankets hanging over the windows and the pure darkness in here.

I had turned on some lights, but it was honestly giving me a headache, but I didn't say anything as she turns towards me and smiles. "Lovely apartment." She takes the room in again and I wasn't sure if she was just saying that or actually meant it. "Surprised that I am here?" She chuckles as she probably saw the confusion on my face.

"A little." I say.

I watch as her eyes takes me in as I was wearing a loose sweater and sweat pants. I didn't bother to care about what I wore because I just didn't. But now seeing Julieta in my apartment, and seeing me like this, I could of wore something else.

But hell, I didn't know she was going to be here.

What the hell was she doing here?

"You're probably wondering why I am here, yes?" She questions as we sat down on the couch. I nod as I look at her and she gives me a small smile. "I had got information about where you live from Casey because I wanted to make sure you were alright." I stared at her as I didn't know what to say. "I know what happened." She said which raised questions in my head, but I knew what she was talking about. "Are you alright?" She asks as she watches me.

I nod. "Yes, I'm fine." I lied.

She studies me for a moment and I pray she doesn't see right through me. I didn't want to explain to her that I wasn't ok. I didn't want to even talk about what happened because I was afraid that I would break down.

"I went by to see Jordan first." She said. I nod as I was waiting for her to continue. "She wouldn't speak to me." I watch as she looks down and it hurt to know that Jordan wouldn't talk to her mom.

But, I understood why.

Jordan's mom had no idea what Jordan was going through until I had to open my mouth a few years ago. I didn't know, and I was too stupid to understand that Jordan didn't talk to anyone about her problems.

"I'm sorry." I apologized. She looks up at me and I continue. "I was the reason for everything and it seems like I can't get any better at not making people feel like shit." I sigh as I sat there. We stayed silent for a while as every word was sinking into my head.

Everything was my fault and it seems like I couldn't do anything that was ever good enough. I would give my all, but that was still not enough. I was becoming weak in situations that I put myself in, and I was slowly losing my mind over this shit.

"Jordan would never talk to me about anything regarding what she was going through." I look at her as she was staring at me. "No, I did not know what she was going through until you had mentioned it that day when you came over the first time."

"What did you talk to Jordan about when you pulled her away?" I ask as I watch her. "That day when I told you." I specified.

She sighs. "We didn't talk. I tried to ask her why you said what you said, but she didn't speak about." I nod as I watch her. "Dear," She starts as she watches me. "Blaming yourself is only making things worse. I may not know what is truly going on, but I do know that you are blaming your own self in this situation."

I stare at her. "Because it is my fault. Everyone is saying it's not, but I don't understand how it's not. I'm pretty sure Jordan was perfectly fine before I walked into her life and started screwing everything up, or somewhat fine." I stare at her. "She pushes me away because I'm getting too close. She's closes me out because she's afraid of me finding something that would scar her. She's constantly telling me all this shit, which is only making me believe that everything is my fault. Everything that I do or say to her that makes her react the way she does is my fault. Nobody is going to make me think differently because it is what it is." I felt like my whole body was about to collapse.