Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

BONUS #3

"Okay Tyler?"
"You don't have to.. I already know what your decision will be."
"Really? What will it be?"
I turned my head to the side, staring at the wall.
"Tyler?"
I squeezed my eyes shut.
"I don't want to go back."
"It's that bad huh?"
"Yeah it's pretty bad."
Dr. James sighed again.
"Alright. I'm on my way over."
"Okay. See you soon."
Josh hung up and set his phone aside.
"Look at me."
"No."
"Tyler."
"I'm not going back. I can't."
"You're not going back. I promise."
"He's going to make me."
"I won't let him."
"I can't go back there."
I coughed from how hard I was crying.
"Shh baby. Breathe."
I took a deep breath in before shakily letting it back out.
I finally looked at Josh.
He was surprisingly calm.
We stayed in that position until there was a knock at the door.
Josh turned his head to look out into the hallway before looking back to me, I started crying again.
I struggled against his grip.
"Just come in!" Josh yelled, keeping me pinned to the bed.
I squirmed and cried.
Dr. James walked into the bedroom looking around before looking at me.
I refused to look at him, sobbing loudly.
"Tyler, Tyler calm down."
"I'm not going back!"
I finally ripped my hands out of Josh's grip and tried to push him off me.
He just grabbed my hands again and pinned them back above my head.
I whined.
"Just calm down Tyler."
"No! Let me up!"
"Shh, baby shh."
I gasped for air.

I felt dizzy.
My head was pounding, my vision spinning.
I squeezed my eyes shut and just laid there, letting the air return to my lungs.
Once my breathing was at a much steadier pace Josh released my wrists and climbed off me.
I instantly shot up off the bed and ran out of the room.
"Tyler!" "Tyler!"
They both yelled at the same time.
I ran out into the living room, tripping over toppled objects.
I opened the door to the apartment and ran down the hall.
Josh was following me.
He caught up to me and grabbed my arm before pulling me against him.
One hand on the back of my head, keeping my face to his chest while the other arm was firmly around my waist.
"She shh it's okay, it's okay baby I got you. I got you."
I cried silently.
A few of our neighbors were out in the hall, wondering what all the chaos was.
"It's alright everyone, just go back inside your apartments."
Hesitantly they listened.
"I can't handle going back." I whispered.
"You're not going back baby. You're not going back."
I sniffled and closed my eyes.
My legs gave out but Josh caught me, lifting me off the ground and carrying me, bridal style, back to our apartment.
I clung to him like he was the only source of oxygen after the apocalypse.
"I got you. you're okay" he whispered.
He sat on the disheveled couch and cradled me.
"Don't send me back please don't send me back I can't go back please no no no." I sobbed.
"Tyler, just calm down then we're going to talk okay?"
"No I don't want to- I- please."
"Deep breaths Tyler. You're okay."
Josh grabbed one of my hands and pressed his thumb into the palm.
It's a breathing exercise.
He rubs his thumb one way and I'm supposed to breathe in then when he changes directions I breathe out.
I close my eyes and follow along.
Once I calmed down Josh interlocked our fingers and kissed the back of my hand.
Dr. James sat down next to us after fixing the couch cushion.
I looked at him.
"Okay so can I ask you some questions?"
I nodded.
"Why did you stop taking your medication?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
I nodded.
"Okay... How long ago?"
"A month or more."
"What were you angry at?"
"I don't remember."
"Okay.... What did you do afterwards?"
"I passed out."
Dr. James nodded.

"And Josh came home to find you asleep and such?"
I nodded.
"Okay, well I think you should clean this up. Don't you?"
"By myself?"
He nodded.
"But that'll take forever."
I looked around.
"You made the mess. It's not fair for Josh to have to clean it or me. Is it?"
I shook my head.
"Alright then why don't you get started?"
I looked up at Josh then back to Dr. James.
"I'm not allowed to have any help?"
"Not unless Josh is willing."
I looked at Josh again.
"I'll help baby."
He gave me a quick kiss then stood up, setting me on my feet.
I hugged him.
Then we went about cleaning.
I had to do most of it but Josh helped here and there.
He cleaned up the broken glass and stuff like that.
After the whole apartment was spotless we sat back down on the couch.
I stared wearily at Dr. James.
"Good job Tyler."
"Do I have to go back?"
"...no... But only if you promise to start taking your medication again. If anything like this happens again I won't be so generous."
"I nodded and looked at my lap."
"Alright. I'll see you guys soon."
Dr. James stood up and wiped his hands on his pants before heading to the door and leaving.
"See? I told you, you weren't going back."
I turned to Josh and kissed him.
When I pulled away I hugged him.