Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

Bonus #4

Brendon ran back in and put the phone on speaker.
"Hell-"
I squirmed around.
"Dr. James if you're not bus- Tyler stop it- if you're not busy do you think you could come over?"
"Why what happened?"
"I'll explai-"
I got my wrists free and started to get up but Josh immediatly grabbed them and pinned me back down.
"Tyler stop it good dammit. I'll explain when you arrive."
"Okay I'm on my way."
"No!"
I kicked my leg up hitting him in the crotch.
He groaned but didn't let go.
"Thank you." He croaked.
Brendon hung up.
"Are you okay dude?"
"Peachy."
"Let me go!!"
"Calm down."
"No!"
I jerked my body more harshly causing him to sit on my stomach.
I stopped moving and starting crying.
Josh fumbled to reposition his hand.
He placed his thumb in my palm, applying slight pressure.
"Breathe." He instructed before slowly moving his thumb.
I unwillingly followed along.
After a while I just laid there sniffling.
There was a knock at the door and Brendon went to get it.
Both him and Dr. James came back.
"What happened?"
Josh looked at me.
I turned my head away.
"Tyler attacked Brendon then attacked me when I grabbed him. Said he's having certain bad thoughts again."
Dr. James sighed.
"Tyler, I think you should come back."
"No!"
"You know I wouldn't suggest it unless I thought it was necessary."
"I'm not going back!"
"You will have to if that's what I decide."
"No I'm not going back!"
"You don't have a say in the matter."
"I'd rather die then go back."
"Don't talk that way."
"I'd kill myself before I ever go back there."
"Dont talk like that."
"Let me up." I said quietly.
"No."
"Josh."
"What?"
"Please let me up."
He sighed but released his grip and got off me.
I sat up and wiped my eyes before staring at my lap.
"Why did you attack them?"
I shrugged.
"We're you angry?"
I nodded.
"Why were you angry?"
I shrugged.
"Your becoming violent again. I think you should really come back. It'd be better that way. It's safer."
"Better for everyone else. Not better for me... But that's all that matters right? What everyone else wants? Not what I want."
"Ty-"
"Just drop it."
"Tyle-"
"I said drop it."
"Baby."
I pushed myself up off the floor and walked out of the room, heading to the bedroom.

I pulled my shirt off as I walked, throwing it in the laundry basket as I passed it.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to bed."
I sniffled, crawling onto the matress and getting under the blankets.
I pulled them up over my head, laying on my stomach with my face shoved into my pillow.
"Ty-"
"Leave me alone."
"Why don't you guys go wait in the living room?"
"Alright .. Brendon."
I heard them walk away.
Josh came over and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Baby."
"Go away."
"I'm not going away."
"I'm not going back there."
"You might have to."
"What happened to not letting them take me back?"
"Ba-"
"Just shut up."
He sighed.
I felt the bed shift and then he was getting under the blankets and pulling me on top of him.
I let him.
"I know you don't want to go back. I don't want you to go back... But Tyler, before you left, you promised to be good. You knew the consequences before you did anything."
"It's not my fault."
"I know, you can't control it and that's why Dr. James thinks you should go back. You not going back puts alot of people in danger. We could be out shopping and suddenly you could just snap and hurt someone."
I only sniffled.
"No one wants that.... I'd hate for you to go back there. I hate that I'm even agreeing with Dr. James but if you're going to be violent again, you have to go back."
"If I go back I won't get another chance to leave. They'll keep me there until I die, which most likely won't be long considering I'd end up killing myself within the first week of being back there."
His arms tightened around me.
"Don't say things like that."
"I'm not lying. I wouldnt be able to handle being back there."
"I wouldn't let you do anything."
I pursed my lips.
He kissed my forehead.
I closed my eyes.
"Why don't we just go talk to Dr. James and see what his decision is?"
I

shook my head.
"Please?"
I sighed.
"Fine."

He took the blankets off and stood up, carrying me.
I kept my face hidden in his neck as he sat down on the couch.
"Tyler."
"What?"
"Your not going to like this but don't freak out."
I gripped Josh's shirt in my fist.
"I called Dr. Hawley.... And he wants you to come back."
Josh rubbed my back.
"Tell Dr. Hawley to shove it."
"Excuse me?"
"I can't go back."
"Why not?"
"Too many bad things happened there. I just can't handle going back."
"I know you don't like it there Tyler but-"
"You can't make me go."
"Actually I can."
I pulled back from Josh and looked at him.
I went to get off Josh's lap but he had his arms around me.
"Let me go."
"Tyler-"
"Let. Me. Go."
"Babe-"
I punched him in the face.
He let go and grabbed his nose.
"Gah fuck."
I got up but he grabbed my arm with his free hand.
"No let me go!"
I yanked my hand away, stumbling backwards slightly.
Brendon grabbed me from behind.
I head butted him in the chin.
"Son of a bitch."
He let go.
Dr. James tackled me.
"I'm not going back! I'm not going!"
"Calm down."
"No!"
I pushed him off me and scrambled to my feet.
Brendon grabbed me again, lifting me off the ground.
Dr. James got up, going over to his bag that he took.
I squirmed in Brendon's grip.
Dr. James pulled a needle our of his bag and took the cap of, flicking it to get rid of any air bubbles.
"No!!"
"Brendon Try to hold him still."
I jerked away when Dr. James went to stick it in my arm.
"Tyler stay still or I'm going to end up poking you in the wrong place."
He stuck the needle in my arm.
My breaths slowed and I stopped struggling.
Before I fell asleep I caught a glimpse of Josh.
He was on the floor now, still holding his nose.
My legs gave out, Brendon caught me, then I blacked out.

(A/n~ hey so uh I'm making sequel to this. Okay? Kay cool. I'll update you when it's published. Until then, eat, drink some water,take your medication if you have to, and try to sleep. Just take care of yourselves even if it's just something small that you do, wether it be brush your teeth or even just get out of bed. I'm still proud of you for it. Love you ❤ ~ Max)