Alex and Felix (LGBT) ?

Part 17

"You don't have to go." He said quietly.

"It's an opportunity." Felix said, and there was enough belief and excitement in his eyes that Alex could relax a little. "I'm going with one of my coursemates, he's been trying to cajole someone into it with him for the past year, and it's going to be so good."

Alex wanted to ask him why he'd accepted now but he thought he already knew. "You won't graduate with us."

"Yeah," Felix agreed, "but I'll graduate the year after. It sucks that I'll be in the year below when I come back but it's uni, isn't it, and you have to take things as they come. It's not like I'm ever going to get the chance to do this again – what job is going to let me take a year off to teach in a few Thai schools and then use the rest of the time to explore Asia?"

And, when Felix put it like that, Alex couldn't argue.

He wondered how long Felix had been going over that speech in his head, how much he'd practiced it before actually coming over and talking to Alex, or if he hadn't needed to prepare at all. Felix was confident, after all, he didn't practice difficult conversations first and imagine awful things. He was exactly the kind of person who would sign up for a year away from nearly everything familiar to him.

"It sounds amazing," Imogen said, with feeling, "I would love to go abroad with the uni."

Felix was in a good mood and he smiled back at her. "You probably could, you know, the International Office have all sorts of things available. You don't have to go for a year, if your course won't allow you to, you could go for just a few weeks."

"That sounds good, actually. I'll have to look into it."

Scotty was interested as well, excited about the idea of studying art in Italy, and Felix promised to send them both a link to get more information. The others gushed over the opportunity, too, but they couldn't see themselves doing it. Alex didn't think it was particularly exciting himself, and he hated that they were being split up like this, and his face twisted into a moue for the rest of the conversation.

Marcus noticed, nudging him lightly to ask if he was okay, and Alex toned it down a little. This was the first time they'd all sat together and it'd felt normal in a while, he didn't want to ruin it.

He couldn't help but feel Felix was doing that enough already.

"You're upset that Felix is going away next year." Marcus said, once they were back in the relative privacy of Alex's room.

"I'm not upset."

"You are." Marcus said, gentle and encouraging. "And it's fine to say you're upset if that's the way you feel, Alex."

Alex sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I shouldn't be upset about this, though, should I?"

Marcus shrugged. "It's okay to feel however you want to feel right now. I think it would be normal to feel upset if you found out your best friend had applied for a year abroad, taking him away from you."

"He says it's an opportunity." Alex said, speaking down to his hands. "But I think it's him getting away from me."

"It can be both things."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

Marcus sighed, taking him into his arms and hugging him close. "That's okay, don't feel better. Let yourself be sad, like you should be, and we'll take it from there. Together."

So Alex let himself feel sad.

It took him a while to really pinpoint why this sudden turn of events had hurt him so much and he eventually realised it came down to just one thing:  Felix didn't need him as much as Alex thought he did. Felix, for all he said he loved Alex, could very easily make the decision to move countries and make the decision for them to spend their final year apart. After they graduated, they wouldn't be able to hang out the way they could now, busy with being working adults in potentially different cities, and Felix was cutting the time short.

It hurt.

He spoke to Marcus about it, because Marcus could listen and make the right noises, and they worked out a way to deal with it. A part of him felt bad about unloading his problems on Marcus, and it must've been awkward for him, but he was sweet and kind and he understood. Alex needed that. So he talked to Marcus when things got a little too much for him and, gradually, things got better.

Alex wouldn't ever be fully okay with Felix going to Thailand but, now a few months on, he could accept Felix's decision. It helped maybe that he wasn't the only one going abroad with Scotty spending the first semester of his third year in Italy and Imogen partway through her application for a summer school in Washington.

"We should have a last meal together." Imogen said, when it was getting close to the end of the year. "I heard the new place by Second Street is pretty good."

"A last meal sounds ominous." Scotty said, laughing. "We'll still meet up after uni."

"Definitely." Felix agreed. "I'll need you working people to feed me while I'm racking up another year of student debt."

Scotty laughed. "It's funny because it's true."

Felix shoved him. "You're going to have an Art degree, like you're going to be much better off."

Scotty very abruptly stopped laughing, which only made the rest of them laugh harder.

Dinner that evening was perhaps the best night they'd had in a while. Exams had finished that week and, while there was still the long wait for results, it was a relief to have the pressure abated for just a while. Alex couldn't remember the last time he'd been able to take the time to sit down at a nice restaurant and eat and talk. The others must have been feeling the same way because, despite the long wait for drinks and food, the mood was light and Alex even saw Felix throwing Marcus the occasional smile.

"You're in a good mood." Alex said, after they'd paid and left the restaurant, the two of them trailing behind the others.

Felix hummed, his hands in his pockets. "Why wouldn't I be? My exams went well, I just ate some excellent food and I can now relax for the rest of the summer. It's a good feeling, I could get used to it."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say the food was excellent."

Felix laughed, tilting his head. "Yeah, that's fair. It wasn't terrible, though, and the company more than made up for it."

Alex glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "The company, as in everyone at that table tonight?"

"Well ... " Felix drawled before laughing at Alex's affronted expression. "I'm kidding. I like Marcus just fine and you don't need me to tell you this but you did well, princess."

And it felt a bit like the earlier days as Alex grinned. "Right back at you, kitty cat."

~ The End ~